Relationships can be tricky, especially when it comes to figuring out the truth behind someone’s actions. Sometimes, a partner’s words don’t quite match their behavior, and if you’re dating a narcissist, you might notice that this mismatch becomes even more obvious. One of the most painful betrayals that can happen in a relationship is infidelity, but when you add narcissism into the mix, things get even more complicated. Narcissists are often skilled manipulators, capable of convincing you that you’re the problem, even when their actions speak louder than words.
In this article, we’ll break down 25 things narcissists commonly say when they’re caught cheating. These phrases are often manipulative, dismissive, or downright shocking. Understanding these red flags can help you navigate the situation and protect your emotional well-being. Let’s dive into the world of narcissists, where lies, guilt trips, and blame games are the norm.
1. “You’re Overreacting”
When a narcissist gets caught, one of their first go-to defenses is to minimize the situation. They’ll make you feel like you’re the one making a big deal out of nothing. If they’ve been caught red-handed, this statement is often used to deflect attention from their betrayal and put the focus back on your reaction.
Example: Imagine you’ve just discovered a series of flirtatious texts or intimate photos. You’re upset, and they hit you with, “You’re overreacting. It’s not even that serious. Why are you blowing this out of proportion?”
2. “It’s Your Fault I Did This”
Narcissists are masters at shifting blame. Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they will often accuse you of causing them to cheat in the first place. They’ll claim that you pushed them to it through neglect, criticism, or simply not being “good enough.”
Example: “You never listen to me anymore. You’ve been so distant. I was just looking for someone who understood me.”
3. “I Was Just Doing It to Get Back at You”
If you’ve ever had a disagreement or argument, a narcissist might use your past actions as an excuse for their cheating. They might claim they did it out of revenge, as though their unfaithfulness is somehow justified because of something you did—whether that’s a minor argument or an unrelated issue.
Example: “You hurt me last week, so I felt justified in finding comfort elsewhere. You made me do this.”
4. “I Don’t Remember That Happening”
When confronted with evidence, some narcissists will outright deny the reality of the situation. If you show them something that proves their wrongdoing, they may simply dismiss it, claiming they don’t remember it or that it didn’t happen.
Example: “What are you talking about? I don’t even remember sending those texts. You’re just imagining things.”
5. “It Wasn’t Even Serious”
Narcissists will often downplay the affair, making it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. This helps them avoid taking full responsibility and allows them to deflect any feelings of guilt.
Example: “It wasn’t like I was in love with them. It was just some fun. You know how things can get a little crazy sometimes.”
6. “It’s Not What You Think”
When you catch a narcissist in the act, they might immediately start with the “it’s not what you think” defense. This is their way of spinning the situation and trying to control your perception of what actually happened.
Example: “You’re misunderstanding everything. We were just friends. You know how I am with people.”
7. “You Should Be Thankful It’s Me and Not Someone Else”
Narcissists love to make everything about themselves, even in moments of guilt. When caught cheating, they might try to minimize the betrayal by suggesting that you’re lucky it’s them and not someone else.
Example: “You should appreciate that I still care enough to be with you. There are other people who would treat you worse than I do.”
8. “I Was Just Trying to Feel Good About Myself”
Narcissists often seek external validation, and cheating is a way for them to boost their ego. When confronted, they might explain their actions in terms of needing to feel better about themselves.
Example: “I wasn’t getting the attention I needed from you. I needed someone to make me feel special again.”
9. “We Were Just Talking About It, It Wasn’t Physical”
Another tactic narcissists use is trying to downplay the level of involvement. They might argue that although they were emotionally unfaithful, it wasn’t as serious because it didn’t involve physical intimacy.
Example: “It was just a couple of conversations. We didn’t even sleep together. What’s the big deal?”
10. “You’re Being Paranoid”
If you’re suspicious about their behavior, a narcissist might accuse you of being paranoid. They’ll make you feel as though you’re seeing things that aren’t really there, even if you have solid reasons to be concerned.
Example: “Why are you always so suspicious of me? You need to relax. You’re being paranoid.”
11. “You’re the One Who’s Cheating, Not Me”
In some extreme cases, narcissists may try to turn the tables completely. Instead of acknowledging their infidelity, they’ll accuse you of cheating or being unfaithful in some other way to distract you from their actions.
Example: “Why are you accusing me? You’ve been acting weird lately, and I think you’re the one hiding something.”
12. “I’m Sorry, But I Just Don’t Know What Happened”
A classic narcissistic tactic is pretending to be completely clueless about their actions. They may act as if they were completely out of control, avoiding responsibility by playing the victim.
Example: “I don’t even know how it happened. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, I was doing things I regret.”
13. “I Was Lonely”
Narcissists often manipulate their partners by claiming they were lonely or neglected. This is their way of justifying the affair, painting themselves as the victim.
Example: “You were so busy, and I felt so alone. I didn’t know where else to turn.”
14. “It Was Just One Time, Why Are You Making a Big Deal?”
Narcissists tend to minimize their wrongdoings, convincing you that because it happened only once, it shouldn’t be treated like a serious issue.
Example: “It was just one night. You’re acting like this is the end of the world. Why can’t you just get over it?”
15. “I Was Thinking About You the Whole Time”
This one is both shocking and insulting. A narcissist might try to convince you that they were somehow thinking about you during the affair, which is their way of claiming some sort of moral high ground.
Example: “Even when I was with her, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. It wasn’t about her, it was about me feeling lost.”
16. “I Didn’t Love Them, I Love You”
This is a common attempt to regain control of the situation. A narcissist may admit to cheating, but quickly follow it up with a statement that suggests their feelings for the other person were insignificant.
Example: “It meant nothing. I don’t love her, I love you. You’re the only one for me.”
17. “You Don’t Understand What I’m Going Through”
To make you feel guilty, narcissists might say that you don’t understand the emotional turmoil they’re experiencing. This puts you in a position where you feel responsible for their actions.
Example: “You don’t understand how hard things have been for me lately. You’re just focusing on the wrong things.”
18. “I Can’t Believe You Would Think I Would Do That”
Sometimes, narcissists will act completely shocked that you even have the audacity to accuse them of something so outrageous. This is another attempt to manipulate your emotions and make you feel wrong for doubting them.
Example: “How could you think I would do something like that to you? You should trust me more!”
19. “I Didn’t Want to Hurt You, But It Happened Anyway”
This phrase is often used to make you feel sorry for them. They want you to think that they didn’t want to cheat but that their emotions or circumstances led them to it.
Example: “I never wanted to hurt you, but I couldn’t help myself. I’m so sorry it happened this way.”
20. “You Can’t Hold This Against Me Forever”
Narcissists have a way of making you feel like you should just forgive them and move on. They might suggest that continuing to bring up the infidelity is unfair to them.
Example: “I said I’m sorry. You can’t keep holding this over my head. We need to move on.”
Conclusion: Protect Yourself and Take Charge of Your Future
When it comes to narcissists, the things they say when they’re caught cheating can be manipulative, defensive, and downright confusing. Recognizing these phrases and understanding their tactics can help you navigate the difficult situation. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist who is unfaithful, remember that your feelings matter, and you deserve honesty, respect, and love. Whether you decide to stay or move on, the most important thing is to prioritize your own emotional well-being. Trust your instincts, and don’t let their words control your perception of the truth. Take charge of your future and remember, you deserve someone who values and respects you for who you are!
