When a relationship with a narcissist ends, the fallout can be incredibly messy. Narcissists are notorious for their self-absorbed, manipulative behavior. Unlike most people who may feel remorse or empathy after a breakup, narcissists often feel a sense of entitlement, using their exes as pawns in a game of emotional manipulation. If you’re dealing with a narcissistic ex, you may have experienced or witnessed some of these toxic behaviors firsthand. In this article, we’ll explore the 12 ways narcissists shamelessly treat their exes, revealing the ugly truth behind their cruel and selfish tactics.
1. The Silent Treatment
One of the most painful tactics narcissists use to control their exes is the silent treatment. After the breakup, a narcissist may completely cut off communication, ignoring your attempts to reach out or even blocking you on social media. This emotional abuse isn’t just a lack of communication; it’s a strategic method to regain control and assert dominance. Narcissists enjoy seeing their exes beg for attention, and they relish the power they hold over your emotions.
2. Gaslighting Your Reality
Gaslighting is a common technique used by narcissists to distort your perception of reality. After a breakup, a narcissist might attempt to make you doubt your own emotions or memories of the relationship. They might tell you that you’re “too sensitive” or that you’re “imagining things.” This makes it harder for you to trust yourself and can leave you feeling confused and powerless. Narcissists thrive on making others feel small, and gaslighting is a surefire way for them to achieve that goal.
3. Rewriting the History of Your Relationship
Narcissists have an uncanny ability to rewrite the history of a relationship to paint themselves as the victim. They will tell anyone who will listen that you were the one who caused the breakup, that you were the toxic one, or that they tried their best but couldn’t make things work with you. This revisionist history is part of their grandiose self-image, and it serves to absolve them of any responsibility for the end of the relationship.
4. Triangulation and Manipulating New Partners
After the breakup, a narcissist might immediately move on to a new partner — often with the explicit intent of making you jealous. They may try to triangulate you into their new relationship, subtly bringing up their new lover in conversation, posting pictures with them on social media, or comparing you to their new partner. The narcissist’s goal here is not just to make you jealous but to use their new partner as a tool to reinforce their own inflated sense of self-worth.
5. The Hoovering Tactic
Hoovering refers to when a narcissist attempts to “suck” their ex back into their life after a period of no contact. This could involve sporadic text messages, calls, or even grand gestures like showing up uninvited to your home. The narcissist will feign emotional vulnerability, pretending to miss you or that they’ve changed. The truth, however, is that they are trying to regain control over you, not because they care about your well-being but because they thrive on your validation.
6. Playing the Victim
One of the most common tactics narcissists use to manipulate others is playing the victim. After the breakup, they will often tell their friends, family, or even your mutual acquaintances how you mistreated them or how they were the one who was hurt. This sob story paints them as the innocent, misunderstood person while making you look like the villain. The narcissist wants to elicit sympathy from others and shift the blame away from their own toxic behavior.
7. Using Your Weaknesses Against You
Narcissists are highly attuned to your vulnerabilities, and they will use them against you when it suits their agenda. Whether it’s a past insecurity, a fear, or a personal weakness, a narcissist will not hesitate to exploit it. They may bring up your deepest fears to manipulate you into doing what they want or to hurt you emotionally. They don’t care about your emotional well-being; they only care about themselves and winning the game.
8. Jealousy Traps
Another insidious way narcissists treat their exes is by creating jealousy traps. They know you’re still emotionally invested in the relationship, and they might use your feelings of possessiveness to their advantage. The narcissist may flirt with others in front of you or openly talk about their new romantic interests, all while knowing that you’re still in love with them. This behavior is designed to make you feel inadequate, angry, or hurt, and it’s all about control for them.
9. Dragging You Into Drama
Narcissists thrive on drama and chaos. After a breakup, they may deliberately stir up conflict by accusing you of things you didn’t do or by making false claims. They may even go as far as to involve your friends or family in these fabricated dramas, manipulating them into taking sides. This drama is not about resolution or healing; it’s about keeping you in their orbit and maintaining control over your emotional state.
10. Withholding Closure
A narcissist’s need for control extends even to the concept of closure. After the breakup, you may feel a deep need for answers, closure, or acknowledgment of the hurt they caused you. However, narcissists often withhold this closure, leaving you in limbo. They know that by leaving you hanging, they keep you emotionally invested, wondering if things could have been different. This tactic allows them to continue controlling your emotional state long after the relationship has ended.
11. Public Smear Campaigns
If the narcissist feels slighted or humiliated by the breakup, they may go to great lengths to publicly trash your reputation. This could involve sharing personal information about your relationship with mutual acquaintances, posting passive-aggressive messages on social media, or outright slandering your name. The goal is to damage your social standing and make you look bad in the eyes of others. The narcissist’s ego cannot handle rejection, and they will use smear campaigns to exact revenge and reassert their power.
Also Read: 10 Hidden Traits of a Cold-Hearted Man Every Woman Should Know
12. Constantly Moving the Goalposts
If you find yourself in any form of ongoing contact with a narcissist post-breakup, you may notice that they constantly change the rules of the relationship. One moment, they may pretend to be friendly and cooperative, only to turn cold and demanding the next. They may set unrealistic expectations, criticize you for not meeting them, and then hold your inability to meet those expectations against you. The narcissist enjoys keeping you on edge, forcing you to chase after their approval and never fully satisfying their impossible standards.
Conclusion
Ending a relationship with a narcissist is never easy. The emotional fallout can be devastating, especially when the narcissist employs these shameful tactics to continue manipulating and controlling you. Whether they’re gaslighting your reality, playing the victim, or using jealousy to get under your skin, narcissists will stop at nothing to maintain their power. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step toward reclaiming your own sense of self and moving forward with your life. It’s important to set boundaries, seek support from trusted friends and family, and prioritize your mental health as you heal from the narcissistic abuse.
While the road to recovery might be long, understanding the ugly truths about how narcissists treat their exes can help you avoid falling into their traps and reclaim your life after a toxic relationship.
Also Read: 10 Skills to Move On from Your Ex Instantly
