Dealing with narcissists can feel like you’re caught in a never-ending drama series—one where you’re always the side character, and the narcissist is the star, hogging all the limelight. Whether it’s at work, in friendships, or in romantic relationships, narcissists have a knack for making everything about them. Their world revolves around their own needs, and if you’re not careful, you might end up in a whirlwind of chaos that feels impossible to escape.
In this article, we’re going to dive into the frustrating habits of narcissists, provide practical tips on how to handle them, and sprinkle in some relatable anecdotes to make this journey a little less painful. If you’ve ever found yourself caught up in their tangled web, keep reading. This playbook will help you not just survive but thrive when dealing with narcissists.
1. The World Revolves Around Them
Narcissists have a superpower: making every conversation about themselves. Whether you’re sharing a story about your day or venting about your own struggles, they’ll find a way to insert their own experiences or turn the focus back to their favorite subject—them.
Tip: Stay Firm in the Spotlight
Next time you’re trying to get a word in edgewise, be assertive. Politely but firmly redirect the conversation back to your own topic of interest. Example: “I hear you, but I was actually talking about something that happened to me. I’d love to get your thoughts on it.” It’s all about maintaining balance in the conversation.
2. They Love Playing the Victim
Despite their inflated sense of self, narcissists have a peculiar ability to portray themselves as perpetual victims. If anything goes wrong, it’s never their fault—someone else is always to blame.
Tip: Call Out the Drama
Don’t fall for their manipulation. If they’re trying to turn a situation into their personal sob story, calmly remind them of the facts. Example: “I understand that you’re upset, but let’s focus on what happened and how we can fix it, rather than playing the blame game.”
3. Gaslighting: Making You Question Your Reality
One of the most maddening tactics narcissists use is gaslighting. This is when they twist your words, distort the truth, or flat-out deny things that happened, making you question your own memory or perception.
Tip: Trust Your Instincts
When you feel like something isn’t right, trust that gut feeling. If they deny something you clearly remember, gently but firmly stand your ground. Example: “I’m sure that’s not what happened. I distinctly remember this conversation, and here’s why.” Keep evidence if possible—texts, emails, anything to back up your side.
4. They Thrive on Attention (and Will Do Anything for It)
Narcissists need constant attention and admiration to feel validated. If they’re not getting the attention they crave, they’ll create drama to draw it back to them.
Tip: Don’t Feed Their Ego
Narcissists will fish for compliments, praise, and attention at every turn. Resist the urge to inflate their ego, and don’t give in to their need for constant validation. Example: If they say, “I’m such a great leader, don’t you think?” instead of saying “Absolutely!” offer a more neutral response, like “You definitely have leadership skills, but I think there’s room for improvement.”
5. They Love to Start Arguments for No Reason
Ever had a simple conversation turn into a full-blown argument? Narcissists are experts at turning something minor into a massive confrontation. They might pick fights for fun, just to keep the chaos alive.
Tip: Walk Away
When you realize that the argument is going nowhere, don’t engage. Politely excuse yourself from the conversation. Example: “I see that we’re not getting anywhere with this. I’m going to step away for now. We can discuss it later if needed.” This leaves them no room to continue the drama.
6. They’re Experts at Deflection
When faced with their own flaws or mistakes, narcissists will do everything in their power to deflect the conversation to someone else or something else. It’s a classic avoidance tactic.
Tip: Stick to the Topic
When they try to deflect, stay on track. If the discussion is about their behavior, keep the spotlight on their actions. Example: “I understand that others may have contributed, but right now, we’re talking about what you did. Let’s focus on that.”
7. They Want Control (and They’ll Take It)
Narcissists often want to control situations, people, and even your emotions. If they can manipulate you into doing what they want, they’ll feel more powerful and in control.
Tip: Set Boundaries and Stick to Them
Be clear about your personal boundaries and make sure they know where you stand. Example: “I’m happy to help, but I won’t be able to assist with this request if it goes against my values.” The more firm you are in your boundaries, the less likely they’ll try to push them.
8. They Don’t Understand Empathy
Empathy? What’s that? Narcissists struggle with understanding and showing empathy. They’re so wrapped up in their own world that they rarely notice or care about others’ feelings.
Tip: Don’t Take It Personally
If a narcissist seems indifferent to your struggles or emotions, remind yourself that it’s not a reflection of your worth. It’s a symptom of their inability to empathize. Example: “I know you might not understand how I’m feeling right now, but I need some space to process this.”
9. Their Successes Are Bigger Than Yours
Narcissists believe that their achievements are always more significant, more impressive, and more noteworthy than anyone else’s. If you achieve something, don’t expect them to cheer you on.
Tip: Celebrate Yourself Anyway
Don’t let their lack of support discourage you. Celebrate your achievements, even if they downplay them. Example: “I’m proud of what I accomplished, and it feels great. I’m excited about what comes next!”
10. They’ll Borrow Your Ideas (and Take the Credit)
Ever had an amazing idea, only to have a narcissist swoop in and take all the credit for it? Narcissists love claiming credit for other people’s work because it makes them look superior.
Tip: Speak Up for Yourself
If someone else tries to take credit for your work, politely but firmly point out the truth. Example: “Actually, I came up with that idea during the meeting last week. Let’s make sure we give credit where it’s due.”
11. They Are Masters of Flattery… With a Catch
At first, narcissists will shower you with compliments, making you feel special. But don’t be fooled—this is often just a tactic to get you on their side.
Tip: Be Cautious with Compliments
If their compliments feel over-the-top or insincere, take a step back. They might just be buttering you up to get something in return. Example: “Thank you for the compliment, but I’d prefer if we kept things honest between us.”
12. They Play the “One-Upper” Game
Narcissists love to outdo everyone. If you share a story, they’ll respond with one that’s bigger, better, or more dramatic. It’s a competition they’re always winning in their mind.
Tip: Keep It Light
When they play the “one-up” game, don’t feel pressured to compete. Just smile and let them have their moment. Example: “Wow, that’s an incredible story! Mine isn’t quite as exciting, but I’m glad you shared yours.”
13. They Don’t Like Being Told “No”
Narcissists expect to get their way, and when someone dares to say “no,” they can react like it’s the end of the world.
Tip: Stay Calm and Firm
When you have to say no, do it without apology. Example: “I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to do that. Let’s find another solution that works for both of us.” They might not like it, but it’s important to stick to your guns.
14. They Are Always Looking for a Power Struggle
A narcissist will constantly seek to establish dominance in a relationship or situation. They thrive on power and control.
Tip: Don’t Engage in the Power Struggle
Recognize when they’re trying to assert dominance and avoid engaging in their power games. Example: “I’m not interested in competing with you. Let’s focus on getting things done together.”
15. They Will Hold Grudges Forever
Narcissists don’t forgive easily. If you’ve wronged them (even unintentionally), expect them to hold a grudge and bring it up at every opportunity.
Tip: Let It Roll Off Your Shoulders
You can’t change their need to hold onto grudges, but you don’t have to let it affect you. Example: “I’ve apologized and moved on. If you’re still upset, I hope we can find a way to let it go.”
Conclusion: Don’t Let Them Steal Your Peace
Dealing with narcissists can be exhausting, but you don’t have to let their habits control your life. By setting clear boundaries, staying assertive, and protecting your emotional well-being, you can minimize the impact of their drama and chaos. Remember, your peace of mind is priceless. Stay true to yourself, and don’t let anyone take away your sense of calm.
So, next time you find yourself tangled up with a narcissist, take a deep breath, remember these tips, and handle the situation with confidence. You’ve got this!
