Let’s face it—breaking free from a toxic relationship is no walk in the park. It’s messy, emotionally draining, and often leaves you questioning your own worth. My journey to closure with a narcissist wasn’t just about letting go of someone who hurt me. It was about rediscovering myself, healing from the inside out, and regaining the power I didn’t realize I had lost.
In this post, I’ll walk you through my story, the steps I took to find closure, and what I learned along the way. Whether you’re still entangled or trying to move forward, my hope is that this will guide you toward your own healing journey.
Recognizing the Narcissistic Cycle
The first step toward closure is understanding what you’re dealing with. Narcissists are masters of manipulation. They charm their way into your life, showering you with affection and attention, only to slowly erode your confidence and sense of self-worth.
In my case, it started with the “idealization phase.” I felt like I was on top of the world. Compliments flowed like water, and every conversation felt electrifying. But as time went on, cracks began to show. The person who once built me up was now tearing me down with subtle criticisms, gaslighting, and mind games.
Before I knew it, I was caught in the “devaluation phase.” This is where the emotional abuse kicks in—belittling comments, emotional withdrawal, and making you feel like you’re the problem.
The final piece of the cycle is the “discard phase,” where the narcissist walks away, leaving you to pick up the pieces.
Recognizing this pattern was a game-changer for me. It made me realize that the relationship wasn’t falling apart because of anything I did. It was a pre-programmed cycle, and I was just a player in their game.
The Turning Point: When I Hit Rock Bottom
Closure didn’t come immediately. I spent months trying to fix things, believing I could somehow “heal” them. But no amount of love or patience can change someone who doesn’t want to change.
My breaking point came when I realized I had completely lost myself. My once-vibrant personality had been replaced by someone who second-guessed every decision and walked on eggshells.
It was in that moment that I decided: Enough was enough.
The First Step Toward Closure: Going No Contact
If there’s one piece of advice I could shout from the rooftops, it’s this: Go no contact.
No texts. No calls. No checking their social media. It’s tough, especially if you’ve been conditioned to seek their approval. But cutting off all communication is the only way to truly start healing.
Here’s why this step is crucial: Narcissists thrive on control. By staying in touch, you’re feeding their need for power over you. Going no contact is like reclaiming your freedom.
For me, this was the hardest step. I had grown so used to the chaos that silence felt deafening. But over time, the peace I found in that silence became my sanctuary.
Rebuilding My Identity
After breaking free, the next challenge was rediscovering who I was without them. Narcissists have a way of making you forget your own identity.
I started small. I made a list of things I used to enjoy before the relationship—hobbies, favorite movies, places I loved visiting. Then, I made a conscious effort to reintroduce those things into my life.
Journaling became a daily habit. I wrote about my feelings, my hopes, and even my fears. Getting my thoughts out on paper helped me process the trauma and gave me clarity on what I truly wanted moving forward.
Another thing that helped was surrounding myself with positive influences. I reconnected with friends and family members who reminded me of my worth. Their support was a lifeline during those dark days.
Understanding the Power of Forgiveness
Here’s the thing about closure: It’s not about waiting for an apology you’ll never get. It’s about forgiving—not them, but yourself.
For the longest time, I blamed myself for falling into the trap. I replayed every red flag I ignored and every time I let them walk all over me. But carrying that guilt only prolonged my pain.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing their behavior. It means releasing the hold their actions have over you.
I had to forgive myself for staying too long, for believing their lies, and for sacrificing my own happiness. Once I did, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
Learning to Set Boundaries
One of the most empowering lessons I learned was the importance of boundaries.
Before, I was a people-pleaser. I avoided conflict at all costs and bent over backward to make others happy, even at my own expense. The relationship with my narcissist magnified this flaw, leaving me emotionally drained.
But closure isn’t just about healing from the past. It’s about protecting your future.
I learned to say no without feeling guilty. I started prioritizing my needs and refusing to tolerate disrespect. These boundaries didn’t just protect me from the narcissist—they improved every relationship in my life.
Finding Strength in Community
Healing from a relationship with a narcissist can feel isolating. Most people won’t understand the unique pain you’ve experienced.
That’s why finding a support system is so important.
I joined online forums and support groups where people shared their stories and coping strategies. Hearing others’ experiences made me feel less alone and gave me the courage to keep moving forward.
Therapy was another invaluable tool. Talking to a professional helped me unpack the trauma and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Rediscovering Joy
One of the biggest breakthroughs came when I realized I could be happy again.
At first, the idea felt foreign. How could I feel joy when I had spent so long in pain? But as I took small steps toward healing, happiness started creeping back into my life.
I started focusing on self-care—taking long walks, reading books that inspired me, and treating myself to little luxuries. I celebrated small wins, like going a week without checking their social media or setting a new personal goal.
Joy didn’t come all at once. It was a gradual process, but each day felt a little brighter than the last.
Also Read: 10 Skills to Move On from Your Ex Instantly
Closing the Chapter
Finding closure with my narcissist wasn’t about confronting them or getting the last word. It was about reclaiming my story and deciding that they no longer had the power to dictate how I felt about myself.
If you’re still searching for closure, know It’s possible. It starts with recognizing your worth, setting boundaries, and taking intentional steps toward healing.
Your journey may not be easy, but it’s worth it. Because on the other side of the pain is a version of you that’s stronger, wiser, and ready to embrace the happiness you deserve.
Also Read: 10 Hidden Traits of a Cold-Hearted Man Every Woman Should Know
