Imagine you’re catching up with a friend, sharing a story or maybe even opening up about a problem. But before you know it, the conversation veers off into something about them. Suddenly, it’s as if they’re the main character, and you’re the supporting cast. If this sounds familiar, you might be dealing with a conversational narcissist.
Conversational narcissism is a subtle, self-centered style of communication where one person consistently shifts the conversation back to themselves. In small doses, it can be harmless, but when it becomes a pattern, it can affect relationships and make others feel unseen. Here’s a deep dive into the signs of conversational narcissism and how to handle it when you encounter it.
1. They Always Redirect the Focus Back to Themselves
The clearest sign of a conversational narcissist is their tendency to redirect any topic back to themselves. It doesn’t matter if you’re discussing work, travel, or even a personal challenge—they’ll find a way to connect it to their own experience.
For example, imagine sharing details of a recent vacation. Instead of asking questions about your trip, they might jump in with, “That reminds me of when I went to Europe last summer…” or “Oh, I have an even crazier story!” Rather than expanding on your experience, they use it as a segue to share theirs. This pattern often leaves you feeling like your story, experience, or feelings are dismissed.
Why They Do It
Conversational narcissists crave attention and validation. Redirecting conversations back to themselves helps satisfy that need, even if it means cutting others off or ignoring their contributions.
2. They Don’t Ask Genuine Questions
In a balanced conversation, both parties show interest by asking questions. However, a conversational narcissist rarely asks thoughtful or follow-up questions. If they do, it’s often superficial and quickly leads back to something they want to discuss.
For instance, they may ask, “How was your weekend?” But before you can answer, they’re already talking about their own plans. Even when they listen briefly, it’s often because they’re waiting for their chance to jump in with their perspective or story.
Why This Matters
Asking questions shows curiosity and empathy. When someone doesn’t engage this way, it creates an imbalance that can make conversations feel one-sided and unfulfilling.
3. They Dominate Every Discussion
Another sign of conversational narcissism is their tendency to dominate conversations. They talk at length, share unnecessary details, and rarely pause to let others speak. You may find yourself constantly nodding or giving short responses, unable to get a word in.
For example, you might be catching up with them over coffee, and they’ll launch into a monologue about their latest project or challenge. Even if you attempt to contribute, they steer the conversation back to themselves or gloss over what you said. This constant dominance can make social interactions with them exhausting and frustrating.
Why It’s Harmful
Conversation is about give and take. When someone takes over, it can make others feel unimportant, leading to resentment and a lack of connection.
4. They Rarely Show Empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Conversational narcissists, however, often struggle with this. When you share something personal or emotional, they might offer a quick, impersonal response or change the subject entirely, as if they’re uncomfortable giving support.
For example, if you mention feeling stressed about an upcoming deadline, instead of offering encouragement, they may respond with, “You think you’re stressed? I have three deadlines next week!” This kind of response invalidates your feelings and refocuses the conversation on them.
The Root Cause
This behavior often stems from an inability to recognize the importance of other people’s emotions. Conversational narcissists may lack the emotional awareness necessary to support others in meaningful ways.
5. They Fish for Compliments Constantly
While it’s natural to appreciate positive feedback, conversational narcissists frequently seek validation, often at the expense of the conversation’s flow. They may drop hints about their accomplishments or appearance, hoping others will notice and compliment them.
For instance, they might say something like, “I’ve been so busy at work; I don’t know how I handle it all!” or “I just got a promotion, but I don’t even know if I deserve it.” These statements aren’t genuine self-doubt; they’re indirect ways of seeking affirmation.
Why This Behavior is Draining
When someone constantly fishes for compliments, it can feel manipulative, creating a need for constant reassurance. This not only distracts from genuine conversation but can also make interactions feel artificial.
Also Read: 10 Hidden Traits of a Cold-Hearted Man Every Woman Should Know
How to Handle Conversational Narcissists
Once you recognize these signs, you may wonder how to navigate conversations with a conversational narcissist without feeling drained. Here are a few strategies:
- Set Boundaries: Politely but firmly steer the conversation when needed. For example, if they interrupt, you might say, “I’d love to finish what I was saying first.”
- Practice Empathetic Listening: Acknowledge what they say, but don’t allow the conversation to derail into their territory entirely. Redirect gently to bring the focus back to a balanced exchange.
- Use “We” Statements: Frame statements around shared experiences to encourage mutual conversation. For example, “I think we both know what it’s like to feel overwhelmed at work.”
- Limit Your Exposure: If someone’s conversational narcissism becomes too draining, it’s okay to limit time spent in one-on-one settings with them.
Final Thoughts
Conversational narcissism can be tricky to deal with, especially if the person is close to you. Recognizing these signs can help you manage your expectations and set boundaries. Remember, meaningful conversations are about connection and empathy. When you find that balance missing, it’s okay to protect your energy by setting limits. Everyone deserves to be heard, and by identifying these behaviours, you can create a healthier, more respectful dialogue with others.
