Earlier I wrote a blog post talking about how to start a conversation with a girl but I received a lot of feedback from you guys sharing that you guys find it tough to keep the conversation going?
I’m not going to lie to you – keeping a conversation going with a girl requires constant effort and all of your attention.
But if you practice often enough, you will refine your conversational skills in no time.
Your pre-talk jitters and nervousness will disappear and you’ll actually enjoy yourself getting to know the girl.
How? Put the next steps into practice and the results will come!
How to Keep a Conversation Going with a Girl
1. Use your body language to maintain her attention
When you have a face-to-face conversation with a girl, you can use your body language to your advantage.
Two aspects are essential here, namely eye contact and smiling.
In 1998, researchers found that when two people look into each other’s eyes for longer than usual, they experience not only positive feelings about each other but also passionate ones.
As for smiling, it was discovered in a 2003 study that seeing a smiling face activates a certain brain area associated with processing rewards.
On top of that, you should lean in slightly to show you’re interested.
2. Highlight your personality and looks
Let me tell you about something else researchers Michael T French, Ioana Popovici, Philip K Robins, and Jenny F Homer discovered:
Women decide whether they want to pursue a romantic relationship with men based on their physical attractiveness, personality, and grooming.
For you, this means trying to impress her with your passions and wit, as well as with your looks.
In this regard, maintain good hygiene, focus on grooming, wear clean and unstained clothes, and a perfume that matches your masculinity.
3. Make sure the girl is open to conversation
When trying to keep the conversation going with a girl, you should make sure the moment is right for her.
Otherwise, you might jump to conclusions that are not necessarily true. You might think she doesn’t like you and she’s not interested in talking to you.
But the truth could be different – maybe she is stressed, worried about something, or in the middle of something.
How can you tell?
If she appears to be unavailable, distracted, or uninterested, simply ask her, “Is this a bad time to talk?”
4. Actively listen to her when she’s talking
Among others, to listen actively means to give your undivided attention and refrain from interrupting.
If you listen to her carefully, you’ll have more information to work with. She’ll give you details that can help you continue the conversation with her.
Also, by simply looking at her and listening to her, you’ll make her talk more and more – which is exactly what you want.
Other things you should avoid are getting into tense debates with her and strongly disagreeing with her.
5. Match her energy and be empathic
Whenever you initiate a conversation with a girl, get a grasp of her mood as quickly as you can. You need to know whether she’s happy, stressed, or sad to match her energy.
For example, if she’s upset because of an argument she had with someone, you should encourage her to tell you more about it, not display a dumb love-smitten smile and look through her.
You should try to imagine what she’s feeling considering the situation she’s going through and respond accordingly.
6. Ask her follow-up questions
As I mentioned before, one of the benefits of actively listening to her is learning more about her. The more you know about her, the more questions you can ask her.
When you ask a girl follow-up questions (about something she already talked about with you), you basically let her know that your interest is genuine.
As a bonus, asking such a question is a great silence breaker. In the case of awkward silence, think of something like that to ask her.
7. Repeat the last words she says to you
Want to learn a trick to make better conversation?
A great way to continue a conversation with a girl or anyone is to repeat the last 2 to 3 words she says.
This is useful when you want to encourage her to say more about the topic and also when you don’t know what to say.
It’s easy to throw the conversation ball back at her if you just parrot the last words that came out of her mouth.
Example 1:
Her: “…and that’s why I love going to the beach.”
You: “The beach?”
Her: “Yeah, the sound of the waves is so relaxing.”
Example 2:
Her: “My sister just got a new puppy.”
You: “A new puppy?”
Her: “Yep, it’s a golden retriever. He’s so cute and playful.”
8. Talk about her passions and interests
- What do you like to do in your free time?
- What are you most passionate about?
- What are some of your interests?
- What would you do if you had more free time?
These are all good questions to ask any woman to get to know her better and also to keep the conversation flowing with her.
What’s more, they are all positive questions that can change a girl’s mood. You can easily transition from a frustrating topic like the lack of free time, to a pleasant topic, like the things she’d do if she had more free time.
9. Bring up a shared experience
Shared experiences are amazing to bond over. Reminiscing something you did together or experienced at the same time enhances closeness and gives you a talking point.
If she’s a girl from school, you could ask her if she remembers a humorous event that happened recently and you were both present.
If she’s a work colleague, then you can mention anything related to work that you experienced together – keep it positive if you can.
If she’s a friend of a friend, then you must have something to talk about based on the last time you saw each other.
10. Compliment her genuinely and sincerely
These days, it’s not enough to tell a girl she’s beautiful and smart. She has definitely heard it all before and she’s tired of hearing the same things.
She probably knows she’s beautiful and smart, so you’ll have to do better than that.
A 2017 study shows that women are more attracted to men who use metaphorical language when they compliment their appearance. What’s more, women are no longer impressed when men compliment their possessions.
Rather than saying, “Your hair looks nice” you could say exactly what you like about her hair. Describe what you notice about it.
11. Avoid asking closed-ended questions
Many guys fail to keep the conversation going with a girl because they overthink what they’re going to say next.
If you are the same, then stop focusing on yourself and start focusing on her. Give her free rein to talk by asking her open-ended questions.
Here’s an example: Instead of asking, “Did you have a good weekend?” ask, “How was your weekend?”
Of course, you can share details about your weekend if you want to. Try to have a dialogue with her, not interrogate her.
12. Ask deep and meaningful questions
After you establish some rapport with a girl, you can proceed with deeper and more meaningful questions.
For example, if you already know what she’s passionate about, then you can ask her, “What inspired you to… (fill in the blanks)?”
Or let’s say you know her from college. Then asking her “What determined you to come to this college?” is a good idea.
At this point, you must dig deeper and challenge her with your inquiries. Why?
It keeps the conversation flowing with her and helps getting to know her better.
13. Ask playful and flirty questions
Another key element for becoming a great conversationalist and chatting girls up like a pro is flirting.
During the conversation, you can subtly make your intentions known by asking playful and flirty questions.
Here are a few ideas:
- How direct would you want someone to be if they had feelings for you?
- What’s one thing you want to ask me but are too nervous to?
- What was your first impression of me?
- What’s your idea of a perfect date?
14. Share personal stories and emotions
Asking your female interlocutor questions is an effective way to keep the conversation going with her. However, a conversation is based on dialogue.
To avoid making her feel like you’re interrogating her and sharing too little about yourself, you should also tell her personal stories and give her details about how you felt in various situations.
Like what?
Appropriate things to say are anecdotes, funny things that happened to you, and your emotions during certain times.
15. Ask her to share a similar story with you
When you share a story or talk about your feelings, you show vulnerability, which is highly desirable. By doing so, the girl you’re talking to will feel closer to you.
On top of that, she’ll feel more comfortable to disclose similar information about herself. Even so, she might not say anything unless you ask her.
“Has anything similar happened to you?” and “Have you ever felt anything similar” are simple, straightforward queries.
16. Offer to buy her a drink or to pay for it
This is one of the oldest tricks in the book.
The classic scenario goes like this: A man sees a woman he likes and he either sends the waiter her way with a drink or approaches her directly and asks her, “Can I buy you a drink?”
But… many women take advantage of this method and they accept drinks from men without having any interest to talk to them.
That’s why you shouldn’t offer right from the start. Talk to her first and look for signs she likes you during the conversation.
17. Lightly tease her and be humorous
It’s no secret that girls feel more attracted to funny guys.
Numerous studies, including one conducted by Duane E. Lundy, Josephine Tan, and Michael R. Cunningham reached the same conclusion.
The numbers say most women prefer men who make them laugh and often choose them as romantic partners.
Examples are: giving her a silly nickname, challenging her to do something funny, and lightly joking about her habits and yours.
DON’T: cross her boundaries, criticize her, or be arrogant or inappropriate.
18. Share funny anecdotes with her
Another effective way to both make her laugh and keep the conversation going is to share humorous happenings from your life.
Have you ever worn mismatched socks? Tell her about that.
Have you ever tried to take a bite from a textile napkin thinking it was food? Let her know.
Have you ever experienced something embarrassing? Share your experience with her.
Even if what you’re telling her doesn’t put you in the best light, if it’s funny, you should mention it.
19. Ask for her opinion and recommendation
Whenever you run out of ideas during a conversation with a girl, don’t hesitate to ask for her opinion or recommendation.
Do this and she’ll know you value her input and also want to learn more about her tastes and preferences.
There are countless examples in this regard that range from the best coffee place to her all-time favorite book or movie. Your query can be about anything.
20. Maintain a positive attitude during the conversation
Look, feeling sorry for yourself, making yourself look like a victim, and focusing on negative things are not attractive things to do.
I know I wouldn’t enjoy talking with a pessimist guy and I am sure most girls are like me. I’d try to end the conversation and move on with my life.
That’s something you should avoid. Maintain a positive attitude while talking to her and try to highlight the good in everything.
21. Don’t force the conversation
Regardless of how hard you try, some women won’t want to give you details or talk more about a certain topic. That’s when pauses might occur.
If they do, then take them as moments of reflection and embrace them. Try to act as naturally as possible and keep things simple.
After a moment of silence, you can change the subject by cracking a joke and continuing on a lighter note.
22. Avoid asking questions that are too personal
Like what? Questions about family, income, and health.
Why? These topics are known to disrupt the conversation, especially if her situation isn’t ideal.
Unless she takes the initiative and brings them up, it’s better not to ask.
For example, my dad passed away almost 2 years ago. I am still not comfortable talking about that. So, if anyone would ask me, “What’s your family like?” I’d try to give as little info as possible and talk about something else.
23. Make a list of topics to talk about with her
If you really want to play it safe, make a list of backup topics to talk about with any girl. Your list should exclude controversial subjects like religion or politics.
It will come in handy when a conversation takes the wrong turn, becomes dull, or when the general mood is just off.
Here’s a good ice-breaker: “What’s something you never get tired of talking about?”
24. Know when to change the topic
To know when to change the topic, determine whether it’s repetitive and/or monotonous.
Even if it’s a common interest or passion, talking about the same thing all over again can become tiring and less stimulating.
So, whenever you feel a certain subject comes up too often, try to change it.
To keep the natural flow of the conversation, you should be able to smoothly transition from one topic to another.
25. Agree to disagree when it’s required
The truth is that you will sometimes disagree with a woman’s views, principles, and opinions. When that happens, it’s important to know how to react.
Your best option is to agree to disagree and let it go. But if you wish to share your point of view, then do it honestly and politely.
Just state your opinion in a friendly manner and don’t take things personally. If it’s something you can live with, then there’s no point in trying to change her mind.
26. End every conversation on a good note
Some girls will spend a considerable amount of time talking to you, while others will only chat for a few minutes.
The amount of time they spend talking to you mainly depends on their schedule, not on how much they like you.
That’s why you should always be prepared to thank them for their time, say you enjoyed talking to them, and ask for their contact info if you feel there is a connection between the two of you.
Summary
How to keep a conversation going with a girl? Use your body language and physical appearance in your favor and pick the right moment to start talking to her.
Ask her open-ended questions and follow-up questions about the things she mentions, and focus on her passions, interests, tastes, and preferences.
Try to act playful and flirty by teasing her, making her laugh, and complimenting her. Also, do your best to avoid personal topics and being repetitive.
To stand out among other guys, improve your conversational skills by always being authentic and trying to build a connection rather than coming on too strong.
Add your natural charm to the mix and you’ll be good to go!
