College is a great place to look for a girlfriend. It offers a lot of opportunities to meet new people every day and it’s swarming with girls.
How great is that? I think it’s pretty great considering how much effort others put in to meet potential girlfriends.
As a student, you don’t have to worry about that.
BUT… you might worry about other aspects, such as how to go about building a connection with a girl, asking her out on a date, and asking her to be your girlfriend.
I get that! That’s why I’ll walk you through all the steps you need to take to achieve your goal.
Ready when you are!
How to Get a Girlfriend in College
Part A: Meeting Girls
1. Build friendships with girls
Here’s the thing: You should view women as people first, not as potential girlfriends.
This will benefit you on multiple levels, as follows:
- You will be able to build friendships with girls
- You will spend time with girls, get to know them better, and become more familiar with how they talk and think
- You will feel more comfortable around girls
- Your female friends will introduce you to other girls and one of them could become your girlfriend
- You will have a group of friends who will support you
So, approach women without romantic intentions and see where that takes you!
2. Be open to meeting new people
Are you a college freshman?
If you are, you should focus on meeting new people in classes, study groups, and dorms. Meeting new people will facilitate reaching your goal.
Since you’ll have many more acquaintances, you’ll have to practice your communication skills more often and put yourself in uncomfortable situations that are out of your comfort zone.
By doing that, you’ll also become more flexible and have an easier time adapting to different kinds of people.
Building a network of friends will not only help you meet potential girlfriends but also update your status from “stranger” to “friend”.
This means girls will perceive you as a safe and trustworthy option and will be more open to you.
3. Attend college events and gatherings
Another great way to build your network and meet new women is by attending college events and gatherings.
Such occasions are more fun and laid back compared to classes and study groups, a fact that you may find helpful if you prefer a more casual environment.
If you are in your element, your chances to get a girl’s attention are higher. So, pick events/gatherings that genuinely interest you and mingle!
Introduce yourself, ask your colleagues questions, and participate actively in everything that goes on around you. Make yourself seen!
But if you’re shy or an introvert, then can you observe others until you get comfortable enough to initiate conversations with them.
4. Join extracurricular activities
What if I told you that you could meet your future college girlfriend while doing something you’re passionate about?
That’s possible if you join an extracurricular activity. Like what?
Music and performance art, sports and physical activities, academic clubs, social justice, political activism, graphics, and so on.
Find out more about your options and choose one that you’re most passionate about. By doing so, you can kill two birds with one stone. On the one hand, you get to do something you like.
On the other hand, you have one thing in common with all the girls who participate in the same activity, which is a great conversation starter and something you can bond over.
5. Get an on-campus job
The idea behind this step is similar to the previous one. Instead of choosing an extracurricular activity, you can choose to get an on-campus job.
Your future college GF could be among your coworkers! On top of that, a guy with a job is generally seen as more responsible, hard-working, and mature.
What types of jobs are available on campus?
Examples are administrative assistant, library assistant, mailroom attendant, campus newspaper editor, tour guide, resident advisor, barista, etc.
The jobs differ from college to college and they are based on students’ skills. So, if you’re interested, ask about any job openings and see if you’re a good fit.
Part B: Developing the Right Mindset
6. Identify and work on your insecurities
How confident are you? Answer honestly because you can’t get away with this. You can’t fake confidence and you shouldn’t try either.
Instead, you should do your best to overcome your insecurities and increase your self-confidence. How?
Make a list of things you don’t like about yourself and want to improve. Set achievable goals and keep trying until you’re happy with the results.
If there are things about yourself you cannot change and have no power upon, then focus on embracing them. Make peace with yourself and challenge your negative thoughts.
7. Improve your physical appearance
Since you aim to get a GF, you can’t put your looks second. Your physical appearance matters more than you think.
I am not referring to having innate beauty and six-pack abs. I am referring to having good grooming habits and wearing fashionable clothes that fit you.
Don’t spend all your money on a new wardrobe, though! Just don’t wear stained t-shirts from high school or your grandpa’s vest.
Girls care about all these aspects. They care just as much as they care about your personality. I am serious about this and I have the results of a 2014 study to back me up.
According to it, your physical attractiveness, personality, and grooming, all help a woman decide whether she wants to pursue a romantic relationship with you.
8. Refine your communication skills
To make sure we’re on the same page here, examples of communication skills are active listening, friendliness, confidence, giving feedback, empathy, respect, responsiveness, etc.
All are equally important. However, I’d like to tell you more about listening.
In one of his studies, Faye Doell discovered that people listen in 2 main ways: they listen to understand and they listen to respond.
If you listen to understand, it means you simply absorb the information you are given and try to understand what the other person tells you.
If you listen to respond, it means you think about what you’re going to say next while the other person is talking to you.
To show genuine care and truly understand the other person’s perspective, you should listen to understand.
9. Cultivate a hobby and grow your interests
What you like to do in your free time, your passions, and your interests are part of who you are. They can highlight your uniqueness and make other people – especially girls – curious about you.
A person who talks about something they’re passionate about emanates positive energy and has the power to draw others in.
On top of that, having one or more hobbies is a healthy habit that contributes to your mental health, personal development, and general attractiveness.
The more you grow your interests, the more info you’ll be able to share with others and the more common ground you’ll find with them.
10. Use positive affirmations
Positive affirmations are highly effective for positive thinking and for boosting your self-esteem! They are simple sentences that evoke positivity and that must be repeated daily.
I’ll give you a few common examples:
I believe in myself, I value myself, I do my best every day, I am confident, I am worthy, I am enough.
Or, you can write your own positive affirmations based on the aspects you want to improve your perspective on.
In time, your negative thoughts, such as, “I am hesitant to talk to this girl. I don’t think she’ll like me” will turn into positive ones, such as, “I am a great guy. I am an interesting person and I look good. She has all the reasons to like me.”
Part C: Making a Connection
11. Create a good first impression
I don’t want to put pressure on you, but creating a good first impression is essential. Otherwise, all the groundwork you lay will be useless.
Here’s how: Make eye contact and smile!
Make eye contact and maintain it for longer than usual to increase the feelings of affection between you and any girl you meet. This is a scientific fact discovered in a 1998 study.
Look into her eyes deeply – don’t stare – to trigger the production of oxytocin and make her feel a bit closer to you. Oxytocin is a love hormone that helps build trust with her.
Also, remember to greet her with a smile. Seeing your smiling face will make her feel special. A 2003 study found that a simple smile is enough to make a woman think she’s doing something right.
12. Build a connection with her
After making a good impression on a girl, your next move should be to build a connection with her. How?
Since you know nothing about her, a great idea is to find out! Ask her open-ended questions to encourage her to tell you many things about herself.
The emphasis falls on giving her free rein to express herself and share opinions and experiences, as shown in a nicely outlined article on questions for building rapport.
Ask her things you genuinely want to learn about her and listen attentively. Build on her answers to keep the conversation going and give thoughtful responses.
That’s how you get valuable insights about her and establish a connection with her.
13. Say something funny
Make her laugh and she’s yours! I’m not kidding. Humor plays such an important role in attraction, you can’t even imagine!
The relationship between humor and romantic desirability has been studied intensively. Numerous studies, including one from 2005, reached the same conclusion:
Girls prefer guys who make them laugh.
What’s more, humor eases tension, lightens the mood, and creates a positive vibe. So, if you think of something funny to say during a conversation with a girl, say it!
Make sure you don’t say anything inappropriate, though. Use one-line jokes or make fun of yourself.
She’ll feel more attracted to you if you make her laugh.
Part D: Moving on to Dating
14. Watch out for body language cues
You meet a girl, you chat for a bit, and then what? To get a grasp of whether she’s interested or not, analyze her body language.
Learn to identify positive and negative signs to know when to continue and when to back off. This will save you a lot of precious time that you could use looking for a GF.
She’s interested if she’s friendly, makes eye contact, asks you questions, laughs at your jokes, plays with her hair, smiles, seems nervous, or fiddles.
She’s not interested if she looks at her phone or away from you, gives you one-line answers, rolls her eyes, starts talking to someone else, etc.
15. Ask for her number/contact info
In case the girl seems interested, seize the moment and ask for her number or contact info.
Make your intentions known by expressing your desire to connect with her further and telling her that you enjoy talking to her.
Also, play it cool and don’t look desperate.
Some girls will feel more comfortable directing you to one of their social media profiles, while others will simply give you their phone number.
It doesn’t really matter what they choose to give you, as long as they give you something.
16. Call/text/DM her within a day
Got a girl’s number? Use it!
Call/text/DM her within a day while things are hot between the two of you. Don’t let her forget about you.
Maintain momentum and reach out to her in the next 24 hours – but don’t do it at night. If you do, she will question your intentions with her.
College is also a time when many students choose to have fun – no strings attached. You, however, want a girlfriend, so behave accordingly.
What to say in your text/DM? Mention something that reminds you of her, refer to something you’ve already talked about, or remind her of something funny.
17. Ask her out on dates
If you like the girl and she seems to like you back, then ask her to go out on a date with you. Don’t spend too much time texting or exchanging messages online.
She might think you’re simply being friendly or are unsure about her if you don’t make a move. So, think about multiple date options based on her tastes and ask her!
Take her on more dates if you click and there’s chemistry between the two of you. Surprise her with thoughtful gestures, and small gifts, and get to know her better.
Give her the chance to learn more things about you, tell her personal stories, and bond over shared experiences, passions, interests, and hobbies.
18. Ask her to be your girlfriend
After how many dates can you ask her to be your GF?
There’s no exact number of dates you should go on with a girl before you ask her to be your girlfriend.
Some people say you should go on 5-6 dates before popping the question, while others say you should date a girl for up to 3 months before you ask her.
But the truth is there is no definite amount of time to wait before asking a girl to be your girlfriend. Each relationship progresses at its own pace.
Taking things to the next level should feel natural and not forced. So, if there’s mutual interest and the connection between you and her deepens, that could be your cue.
I’ve shared list of 40 Cute Ways to Ask a Girl to Be Your Girlfriend, so give it a read if you need any ideas.
19. React positively in case of rejection
She says no. What next?
“Rejection is redirection; it pushes you towards the path meant for you.” as John Michaels, psychologist and dating expert says.
If a girl rejects you, respect her choice, and don’t blame everything on yourself. Although you might think it’s entirely your fault, it isn’t.
Stanford research clearly explains that the impact of rejection is usually more negative than it should be. People who get rejected start doubting themselves and their worth.
But you should stay positive instead. Accept that rejection is normal. It’s absurd to think every girl you approach will want to be your girlfriend.
Admit it – you wouldn’t say “yes” to just any girl who asks you to be her boyfriend.
In case of rejection, ask for feedback. Maybe the girl will give you advice that you’ll find useful in the future.
Last but not least, keep trying! Things will work out for you eventually.
Part E: Dating a College Girl
20. Communicate constantly, openly, and honestly
If you reach this step, it means you’ve got yourself a girlfriend. Congrats for your future success!
You are now ready to face and deal with the challenges of being in a relationship, such as communication.
Thanks to a study conducted in 2015, we now know for sure that honest communication is a priority for women involved in romantic relationships.
Most women who participated in the study agreed that honest communication is the only way to maintain a healthy relationship.
On top of that, it’s also essential to communicate constantly and be open with your girlfriend. Don’t let her wait for a reply for days.
21. Prioritize spending time with her
Since you and your girlfriend are in college, you won’t have a lot of free time on your hands. You’ll have to study and go to classes.
That’s why you should schedule regular dates and see each other at least a couple of times a week.
If you’re both really busy, you can meet up to study together or have late-night snacks together. Or, you can make a habit out of spending your weekends together.
Your relationship will become stronger if you spend quality time together and meet up regularly.
22. Focus on healthy conflict resolution
Conflicts occur in any relationship, including romantic ones. You could have different opinions, misunderstand each other, or hurt each other unintentionally.
When that happens, you should focus on staying calm, understanding her perspective, explaining yours, and reaching a compromise.
To stay calm after a disagreement you should take a moment to process things, remove yourself from the situation, and reflect on the disagreement.
23. Grow individually and as a couple
To be a good boyfriend, you should support your GF to reach her goals and pursue her academic interests – even if that will sometimes mean spending less time together.
You should encourage her independence, be there for her, and give her pep talks. In turn, she is supposed to do the same for you.
You can also grow together as a couple by trying new things together, making memories, and developing similar values.
24. Talk about the future with her
If you and your girlfriend are both in your first year of college, then talking about the future with her is not urgent.
However, you should consider that college is a time of transition. You and your GF might have different plans for after graduation. So, discussing where your relationship is headed is a must.
If you’re older than her, you might have to decide at some point whether to be in a long-distance relationship with her, break up, or reach another agreement, depending on what you both want.
Summary
Getting a girlfriend in college might seem like an elaborate process at first.
You have to start by building a network of friends and making female friends. Then, you have to work on your personal development and physical appearance and develop the right mindset.
Not to mention that all of the above must be accomplished before you approach possible girlfriends.
It might seem difficult, but I assure you it isn’t. You’ll soon be confident enough to make good first impressions and keep a conversation going with a girl.
You’ll get the hang of it in no time, especially after trying a few times. Just be patient and maintain authenticity. That’s the only way to build a meaningful relationship.
