Letâs face it: Breaking up sucks.
Especially if you are the dumpee, the emotional impact a breakup may have on you could be devastating.
However, it doesnât have to be! If you play your cards right, you can get your ex back and improve yourself in the process.
How? Start ignoring your ex.
I know that right now every fiber of your being is telling you to contact your ex, to show up at their doorstep and beg them to take you back.
BUT, I can tell you for sure thatâs not going to work.
Instead, applying the no contact rule and completely ignoring them will!
Thereâs a catch, though: While ignoring your ex is a powerful technique that you can use in your favor, it doesnât work on its own.
Living your life as a couch potato while feeling sorry for yourself wonât bring your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back just because you wonât talk to them.
What will? Taking good care of yourself and improving yourself constantly definitely will.
Meanwhile, let me tell you why ignoring your ex is effective. Maybe the info below will convince you to refrain from acting desperate.
Here it goes:
The Psychology Behind Ignoring An Ex:
Listen, the no contact rule is a serious thing. Itâs not an idea someone randomly woke up with one morning. No! Itâs actually based on the following psychological principles:
The theory of reactance
Simply put, the theory of reactance is about behavioral freedoms. To be more precise, your ex is used to having the freedom to talk to you whenever he or she wants.
But if you take that away from them, theyâll feel compelled to try and get it back.
As you already know, communication is key in healthy romantic relationships. Research shows that couples thrive if they reach a certain level of communication.
This basically means that a lack of communication wonât go unnoticed either. On the contrary, it will make them want to talk to you even more.
The element of surprise
Hereâs the thing: Your ex doesnât expect you to ignore them. This is especially true if they made the decision to split ways with you.
They actually wouldnât find it surprising at all to hear from you very soon after breaking up. In fact, they might want to keep you as a backup plan or as a friend with benefits.
I know! Shocking, right? Well, thatâs why you should use the element of surprise.
Your ex will ask themselves questions such as:
- Is he or she really over me?
- What is going on with him/her?
- Whatâs with the sudden change in attitude?
The grass is greener syndrome
Are you familiar with the saying, âThe grass is greener on the other sideâ?
It basically means that the things we donât have, sometimes appear to be better than the things we already have.
Now, I know this wonât sound ideal to you. But ignoring your ex works because while you cut off all contact, you give them a chance to realize how good they really had it with you.
Yes, itâs true this might mean theyâre seeing other people. But, in a way, thatâs what you want.
You want them to compare other people with you because thatâs how theyâll know what theyâre really missing out on.
And the best part? You wonât have to witness the whole process and get hurt.
The concept of scarcity
Ignoring your ex also works because they will perceive you as someone who is hard to get. Now, according to the concept of scarcity, your ex will want you back because of that.
This concept works on many levels. For example, when we notice that thereâs little shampoo left in the shampoo bottle, we tend to use less of it or we use it more carefully.
Or, if we go shopping and we see a warning sign that says âlow stockâ, weâre tempted to buy more of that product just because we think there arenât more left.
Painting a picture in your exâs head that youâre hard to get will motivate them to chase after you. Thatâs how theyâll see you as more desirable.
The fear of missing out
A relatively new construct, the fear of missing out aka FoMO, has a powerful psychological impact on people.
Although this phenomenon was observed on social networking sites, you can successfully apply it to your relationship with your ex.
How? By using your exâs need to stay connected to what youâre doing in your favor.
Research shows that when a personâs social needs are unmet, they can suffer negative emotional consequences.
For example, your ex could feel inferior, lonely, or very angry at you for completely shutting them off.
In turn, their feelings could determine them to act compulsively just to maintain the social connection they have with you.
9 Reasons Why Ignoring Your Ex Is Powerful:
Now that you have all the reasons to believe that ignoring your ex actually works, itâs time to understand how else it could benefit you.
1. Thatâs how you get to set boundaries and gain control
They left you. Now what?
- Do you allow them to contact you whenever they miss you?
- Do you respond when they ask you for your help with something?
You shouldnât do any of the above. Instead, you should give them the silent treatment. In this way, you set clear healthy boundaries: Youâre not friends. They are not entitled to ask anything from you.
On top of that, if you protect yourself from their influence, youâll regain control over your own emotions faster because they wonât be able to bring you down anymore.
Your ex wonât be able to affect your actions in any way. The result?
You will be able to focus on your own healing and personal growth without having to deal with their bullsh*t and experience any emotional harm.
Not to mention, self respect is a beautiful trait. If you don’t treat yourself right then don’t expect the same from others.
2. You get to focus on your emotional healing
Look, even if you donât want your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend back, ignoring them can still benefit you. Without them in your life, you can focus on your emotional healing and your mental health.
After a breakup, your emotional recovery should be a priority. You shouldnât care what he or she is doing or feeling.
Whatâs more, you should definitely not keep in touch. That could only hinder your healing process and prolong your emotional distress.
Being in tune with them no longer serves you. Actually, the opposite would do you much better.
Regardless of how hard you try, you canât get over someone and find closure if you donât distance yourself from them.
It’s absolutely essential for your mental health. So, don’t compromise on your own happiness.
3. It gives you a chance to rebuild attraction and desire
Do you want your ex to come back crawling to you? Then use the power of the silent treatment.
As I mentioned above, if you apply the no contact rule, you can make yourself look more desirable – almost instantly.
Why?
Because your ex will start to miss you.
Theyâll wonder what youâre up to.
Everyone does this; no exceptions. However, if you donât let them in anymore and cut all means of communication, they wonât know what to do.
Due to their FoMO, they might react in unexpected ways. If that happens, remember this: You should not give in to their first attempt to get in touch with you.
Unless enough time has passed and you feel that you are more emotionally stable and have grown, breaking the no contact is not recommended.
4. Your ex will miss you even more if you ignore them
Are you always one phone call away from them? Thatâs not good!
Just think about it⌠Would you miss someone who is so easy to reach? No, you wouldnât! Youâd simply call them whenever you felt like it.
By taking this luxury away from your ex, you make yourself unapproachable. And thatâs something that will drive them crazy. It gives them taste of their own medicine.
Making this move is powerful and it puts you in a position of control. You are basically sending the following message:
âI donât want to talk to you or share anything about myself with you. I am living life on my own terms.â
Their reaction? They wonât be able to believe it, which means theyâll be intrigued, which in turn means theyâll be interested, and so on.
5. Your ex has more time to reflect on their mistakes
Everyone needs to spend time alone and reflect on their mistakes after a break up. It doesnât matter if theyâre the dumpers or the dumpees. Everyone has to do it.
Otherwise, they wonât realize what went wrong or what they did wrong.
It goes without saying that none of you can do that unless you give each other time and space.
Men, for example, wonât start reflecting on a relationship that just ended right away. Women, however, will try to assess the situation at a faster pace.
So, whether your ex is a man or a woman matters because their response could be different.
However, no matter how long it takes, ignoring your ex will encourage them to reflect on their wrongdoings.
6. Itâs a way to reinforce your self-worth
Ignoring your ex puts you in a position of power. How so?
By not talking to them or reacting in any way, you show them that you know your worth. If they wanted to break up with you, then removing yourself from their life is the best decision.
It suggests that you can walk out of a relationship with your head held high, without doing anything to humiliate yourself or to demean yourself in any way.
In addition, you clearly suggest that you donât need them. This means that you are a capable individual who is their own person and someone who can take care of themselves.
7. It gives you the needed space to think clearly
When you ignore your ex, youâre not only distancing yourself from them to allow them to do some thinking.
You should also do this for yourself. Even if ignoring your ex is the last thing you want to do, just think about the benefits:
- You have time and space to reflect without distractions
- You can get in touch with your real feelings and understand them
- You could see your ex more clearly, especially their flaws
- You have a chance to take a rational look at your past relationship
- You don’t repeat the same mistakes when you reflect on everything that happened
8. Thatâs how you stop acting clingy, needy, and/or desperate
Honestly, I think that the ignoring your ex was first invented just to help us avoid acting in the most embarrassing ways.
The danger of acting clingy, needy, or desperate after a break up is real. Many people panic (including myself) and resort to all sorts of unfortunate gestures.
For example, some people show up at their exâs place of work, at their parentâs house, in places where they usually hang out, and so on.
And when they do, they embarrass themselves.
So, to avoid that altogether, you only have to do one thing: Ignore your ex.
9. You distance yourself from things that might hurt you
Ignoring your ex also means, among others, that you wonât be aware of whatâs happening in their life.
This is a great thing!
Hereâs why:
First of all, youâll be able to focus on your own healing and work on your self-improvement without any distractions.
Second of all, you wonât witness your exâs attempts to move on and date other people. Or, you wonât feel the urge to save them if they engage in destructive behaviors.
Simply not knowing is sometimes a blessing. It canât affect you in any way or put you off the right track.
What are The Downsides of Ignoring Your Ex?
So far, Iâve talked to you about the pros of ignoring your ex and why itâs so powerful. Now itâs time to learn about the potential downsides of ignoring your ex.
Your ex might get the wrong message
One day, you tell him or her that theyâre the most important person in the world for you. The next day, you act as if they donât exist.
If you do that, your ex will be confused. They wonât know what to believe. They might choose to think that you donât care and it was all an act.
This is one possible downside of giving an ex the silent treatment. In the absence of any sign from you, they might accept the situation and try to move on themselves.
To avoid that, before you cut off all contact with your former partner, send them one last message and say something like:
âIâm not going to lie: I am heartbroken and wish things would be different between us. However, I respect your desire to break up. I think itâs best if we donât talk anymore.â
The conflict between the two of you might escalate
We are all different. Some people react well when theyâre left alone to process things. Others⌠not so much.
In case youâre dealing with an angry ex, someone who needs answers and wonât accept that you donât comply, the conflict between the two of you might escalate.
If that happens, itâs best to respond to your exâs concerns. Ways to de-escalate a situation are:
- Listen to what your ex has to say
- Try to understand their concerns
- Allow them to express frustration
- Let them talk about their feelings
- Use a non-confrontational body language
- Express empathy to make them feel heard
How Long Should You Ignore Your Ex?
When it comes to how long you should ignore a former partner, experts seem to think differently.
There are dating coaches who recommend giving them the silent treatment for 21 to 45 days, depending on how serious your problems are and how badly things went down when you broke up.
However, there are other relationship experts who agree that no contact should last for a minimum of 60 days.
Now, it goes without saying that if your relationship lasted for a total of 3 months, you shouldnât wait for 60 days. Thatâs too much time apart compared to how long you stayed together.
Waiting this long is advisable if you split ways after at least one year of being in a committed relationship.
Summary:
Ignoring your ex is a powerful technique effective on multiple levels. If applied correctly, it can help you get your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend back.
A lot of people block their ex to get their attention. Itâs based on psychological principles that ensure its success, such as the theory of reactance, the element of surprise, and FoMO.
At the same time, you can use it to facilitate your emotional healing. Ignoring your ex will leave you with a lot of free time that you can use to focus on your self-improvement.
In this way, youâll do much more than patch yourself up and get yourself together: Youâll improve yourself and youâll be more desirable as well.
However, Giving an ex the silent treatment doesnât come without risks. So, think twice before you get yourself into a situation you canât handle!
