Do you feel a sense of unsafety by how your ex is always “just around the corner”?
Does it feel as if your ex is stalking you?
Is their stalking behavior making you feel anxious?
Are they crossing your boundaries and you don’t know how to deal with this?
Having an ex stalking you is never a nice feeling, especially not when it’s a person you used to love who possibly knows many things about you.
Chances are that there were already unhealthy signs happening when the relationship was going on. Even if you were aware of this or not.
This research shows that stalking is linked to domestic violence, especially in the case of a stalker ex boyfriend.
If you keep finding yourself in situation, “My ex is stalking me,” or “My ex just won’t leave me alone” it could be a continuation of domestic violence that occurred during the relationship.”
Whether you were aware of the behavior of your ex during the relationship or you didn’t notice any signs at all, after reading this article we hope to give you more clarity.
We will outline the signs that are considered stalking and we will also outline ideas that might help you to deal with the stalking behavior of your ex.
What’s Stalking?
What would be considered as stalking? This article written by the organization Stalking Awareness, considered stalking as the following:
“Stalking is a pattern of behavior directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear for the person’s safety or the safety of others; or suffer substantial emotional distress.”
You can safely say that every type of behavior that feels in a way unsafe for you or gives you emotional stress, is considered stalking.
- Understanding the spectrum of stalking behaviors
Besides this, Stalking Awareness also states that the spectrum of stalking behaviors includes a variety of tactics (but not limited to): “unwanted contact including phone calls, texts, and contact via social media, unwanted gifts, showing up/approaching an individual or their family/friends, monitoring, surveillance, property damage and threats.”
This being said, stalking can be even in the smallest, unnoticed things. Even when we think that “we shouldn’t be bothered by it”, still it can affect us and make us feel unsafe.
I used to have this “friend” who was really kind and loving towards me, what happened was that he was showing up in all places. He kept staring at me during parties.
He even was driving past my house, he took me for dinners until I realized this wasn’t healthy. Then he became obsessive and was always reacting and commenting on my posts.
His texting became wild and his calls became angry. Even after I blocked him he found ways to get back on my social media.
This is when I knew things became unrighteous and I needed to set a clear boundary.
Is it normal for an ex to stalk?
No, it’s not normal for an ex to stalk. This behavior is considered inappropriate, invasive, and often illegal. It’s important to ensure personal safety and well-being, and address any such behavior properly, possibly involving law enforcement if necessary. Emotional abuse is how narcissists treat their exes and so you might be dealing with one.
What are Common Signs of Stalking?
- Persistent unwanted contact through calls, texts, emails, or social media.
- Frequent and unexpected appearances near your home, workplace, or social gatherings.
- Monitoring your online activities or spreading false information about you.
- Engaging in excessive surveillance or gathering information through friends or acquaintances.
- Threatening or harassing behavior towards you, your loved ones, or new relationships.
What to Do If You’re Being Stalked by Ex?
1. Determine if your ex qualifies as a stalker
One of the most important things you have to do first, is to go over the signs of common stalking behavior. that we just mentioned above.
When you can clearly say that you experience one or more of the signs above, you are experiencing stalking. This shouldn’t be taken lightly.
If they make you feel unsafe, if they give you emotional stress, regularly, it’s fair enough to qualify your ex as a stalker.
2. Document incidents and keep a record of evidence
It’s important to keep track of all the moments that you feel your ex is stalking you. In this way you have a clear rapport of all the incidents that happen.
“Every time you have an incident with him, send yourself an email describing what happened – this will create a timestamped log of evidence that will be useful for the police.” A helpful tip which is shared by this article on Reddit.
When you feel things are escalating more and more, you have more ground to stand on when it comes down to bringing the case to the police.
3. Inform your support network about the situation (Family, Friends, or Police)
Another important thing to do is to inform your family members, friends (and in worst case police) about the situation you’re going through.
In this way they can keep an eye on you and check in with you physically as well as mentally and emotionally. They can be your support.
They can hold you and help you when it gets too much. They can be the shoulders to lean on when you need it and the police can help you regarding safety.
Just be sure that you record and document literally everything and do not contact him back. As reddit states.
4. Enhance security for online accounts and devices
When you have your social media accounts, your phone and your laptop, it’s important to make sure (especially in stalking cases) to protect them at all costs.
There are countless ways to put a secondary or two-factor authentication on your devices or important login codes. Maybe your ex still has access to certain places.
Just make sure that you double check your passwords and if in doubt, don’t hesitate to change them.
5. Consider obtaining a protective restraining order from legal authorities
If the stalking behavior of your ex goes further than just a text on social media accounts, until a point that you feel you just can’t take it anymore, consider putting petition for restraining order agains your stalking ex.
Stalking laws for every country is different and not everyone has the same rights, but you can always try to see what is possible for your country.
If in any way possible, let these authorities know what you’re dealing with and that you need help and protection for the situation that you’re in.
Restraining orders are going to be of great help so don’t hesitate.
6. Explicitly communicate your boundaries to them
When dealing with an ex that is stalking you, it’s important that you clearly show your boundaries. It’s important that you that you don’t tolerate this behavior.
If you keep accepting everything that your ex is doing, without any consequences, they might think their behavior is normal.
You have to be assertive and strong in your communication. You can give a warning and clear boundaries first.
If this doesn’t help and the stalking continues (and worsens even) proceed to extra steps by yourself and together with authorities if needed.
7. Minimize contact with your ex-partner
When you get stalked it’s important to block every possible form of contact that you have with them. This minimized their chances to reach you and stalk you.
It might even happen that your ex is stalking you without them being aware that this type of behavior is making you feel bad. It’s important to make them aware about this.
If the stalking keeps continuing, even after a simple warning, you can block their number, their email address and their social media accounts.
You can even consider changing your number if needed and you desire extra safety.
8. Seek professional therapy for emotional trauma
Therapy specialized in these cases, can bring you a lot of direction and a feeling of holding for all that you go through.
Being stalked by an ex, even a person you once loved, someone you trusted, can be a sad feeling. It’s absolutely normal if you need support during this process.
Asking for someone to be there for you and to guide you throughout this journey who has experienced more cases, can help you find your way back towards safety if you feel like you lost this.
How do you keep yourself safe from an obsessed & stalking EX?
- Be aware of your surroundings
First of all, to keep yourself safe, always be aware of your surroundings. If you have a stalking ex he can be everywhere around the corner.
However, you shouldn’t let your ex have all the control over your life so that you can’t live your life normally anymore. Just a normal sense of being aware of what is happening is enough.
- Call The National Domestic Violence Hotline
Don’t let your kindness of emotions fool you to self-sabotage yourself. If things are getting serious, don’t hesitate to contact National Domestic Violence Hotline.
- Take self-defense classes
Being able to protect yourself is possibly one of the most underestimated skills that you can learn and give yourself.
Let’s say that your ex is even being violent towards you and you haven’t taken any of those classes, you don’t have an understanding or skill to protect yourself, what would it do with your confidence?
Imagine, you have taken time to learn this skill and now you’re able to defend yourself, how much more confident would you feel? How much more protective of yourself would you feel?
That’s the importance of learning the skill to protect yourself.
- Carry a personal alarm or pepper spray
Wearing a personal alarm can give you a sense of security as this is a personal system that can warn the police or other organizations that are connected to it when a stalking event occurs.
This will allow you to be tracked on gps where you are at by others and it can also record the evidence of the stalking.
- Install security systems or cameras at home
Besides this, you can also install security systems or cameras at home to keep an eye on everything that is happening within and around your house when you’re not around.
Summary:
Being stalked by someone you used to love is never easy. It can be very hard especially when the stalker ex start acting like they are going to hurt you.
Knowing the signs of a stalker ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend and what you can do to minimize the effects can be very helpful on your journey to become and feel more safe again.
Just remember that no one has the right to threaten your mental health, emotional health or physical safety and that this is all a reflection of their relationship with themselves and not with you.
Having clear boundaries and speaking up as a warning towards your ex and their stalkings is very important. Don’t let someone just overstep your boundaries without you taking any action.
You deserve it to live your life freely, no matter what has happened in the past or what love is lost. People’s inability to let you go is a burden they should carry, not you.
Take the steps taken in this article the best that you can. Ask for help if you need it. You don’t have to do this alone.
Stay strong and don’t give up living your life.
