While traditionally it has been taught/accepted that the man should make the first move, not the woman.
But, things have changed.
The success of dating app like Bumble (Where women make the first move on guy) and several surveys and studies show that women can make the first move and still get into the relationships they want without looking desperate.Â
But Wonât I Look Desperate?
The primary concern women face is this: Appearing desperate. But social norms have shifted pretty quickly around the world.
When a woman messages first, about 30% of her messages will receive a response. Compared to guys, when women initiate contact, they have 2.5x more chances for it to turn into a conversation.
Luckily, this fear is now almost irrelevant but your approach matters. And thatâs what weâre discussing in this article. How to start a conversation with a guy without appearing desperate.
These tips and tricks can help you regardless of your orientation or gender identity.
12 Tips For Making The First Move On A Guy in Real Life
Making the first move on a guy shouldnât be frightening at all. You never know how many things you may have in common with the person in front of you. But to understand this, you have to start a conversation with him.
Here are a few tips to keep in mind when starting a conversation.
1. Communicate With Your Body Language
Youâd be surprised to know how much you can communicate using your body language.
Based on research, over 60% of our interactions are non-verbal which means that our body language does the speaking for us most of the time. So we should make sure weâre saying what we want to say.
So, make sure you speak through your body language.
When you want to start an interaction with him, make sure youâre facing him and that your arms are relaxed.Â
Even just looking at him for a few seconds more than usual, would create an intimate atmosphere and signal that youâre attracted to him.Â
When you want to show someone your interest, start by mirroring their actions.
If they smile, smile back. If they cross their legs, do the same. Mirroring often happens subconsciously when weâre with someone we like, but doing these actions on purpose will make them spot your interest.Â
Eyes tell a lot too.
Try to keep eye contact while talking to them but not to the point it feels awkward. Often, move your sight away to see if theyâll look back at you.
Also, when a woman touches her hair, itâs taken as a sign of attractiveness toward the other person. Knowing this, you could do it on purpose to reveal your intentions.Â
2. Sit Next to Him
Itâs a no-brainer that when someone you like sits closer to you, you enjoy their presence.
Women always tend to keep a distance from other men they share no close relationship. So when you get closer to a man, it signals to him that youâre interested in knowing him more.Â
Whenever you have the chance to get closer to the man you like, do it, but without appearing clingy. This always depends on the place youâre at.
If youâre in a work environment where your colleagues watch you all the time, youâd want to be more subtle. But if youâre in spaces such as the canteen, clubs, school, or events, you can be less worried.
Sitting next to him when having a conversation creates the feeling of intimacy and indicates that you like them. The key here stands in being able to maintain a balance between showing interest and appearing needy. Â
3. Engage Him In A Good Conversation
Genuine conversations are necessary to build intimacy and connect with him. And this means that you should be ready to talk about topics you might not have discussed with friends or other people.
Three are the key pillars of a good conversation:Â
- Being honest,
- Being a good listener,
- Being positive.
If youâre all moody throughout the conversation and focus only on the negative side of the topics youâre discussing that might be off-putting.
Avoid making up lies or acting all-knowing thinking youâll impress them – because relationships built on lies donât last.Â
4. Ask Him Interesting Questions To Tackle Awkward Silences
Don’t let the conversation die when you two spend time together.
Questions keep the conversation going smoothly, but you should ask the right ones if you want to progress the connection further to make the first move on a guy.
For a moment you should put away the topics that are in your interest, and start talking about what the other person likes.
The right questions help you understand what these topics are.
Some of these questions might include:Â
- Topics theyâre experts in. E.g âHey, Iâve heard that you won the Math Championship this September! Iâve never been good with numbers, honestly. Iâm curious about your relationship with math.â
- Common interests or backgrounds. E.g âFor how long have you played volleyball? I find the sport fascinating too. My mom was a professional player and Iâm thankful she introduced me to it early.â
- Asking for recommendations to learn their tastes. E.g âIâm going on a sleepover with my friends this weekend and we still havenât decided what movie to watch. Do you have any suggestions? What movies are you into?â
Depending on how much you know them, your goal should be to personalize your questions as much as possible.
But at the same time, make sure the conversation flows smoothly. It shouldnât sound like an interview.
5. Start Complimenting Him
A good compliment can easily divert their attention to you. Especially if youâre in a group setting and want his attention and to understand that youâre attracted to him.
But be careful of acting like a mediocre flatterer. Otherwise, they might lose respect and interest in you.
Thereâs a fine line that you should be following.
One simple compliment is enough, but what can it be about?
Well, here are some suggestions:Â
- The way theyâre dressed. E.g âWow, that shirt fits so well with your trousers!â
- Their recent accomplishments. E.g âThat promotion was well-deserved! Iâm happy about you!â
- Their character traits. E.g âYouâre so funny! Your friends are lucky to have you around.â
6. Ask for One-on-One Help
This is probably the best way to signal to them that youâd like to spend more time together. If thereâs a common occupation or interest you both share, thatâs a great topic to ask for help in. Especially if you share the same workplace or attend the same school.
But this is not the only possible scenario. For instance, if you are learning the same language or learning a language theyâre proficient in, that can turn into a great topic to ask for help.
After you learn a bit about them, it will become easy to find a topic you can ask them to teach you more about.
Itâs important that you ask for help in a moderate matter and are indeed interested in what youâre asking for.
Donât fake your interest just to get closer to them. It leads to a relationship built on lies that doesnât last long.
7. Save Your Number on His Phone
Having their social media and having their phone number are two completely different things.
We donât know most of our social media followers and neither do we have a special relationship with them. But when it comes to our phone number, only a few people have it.
But the way you exchange phone number matters too.
For instance, if you obtain their phone number from a third person or find it in the company database, and message them, it will seem creepy and odd. But if you ask him to exchange phone numbers directly, itâs completely a different thing.
To do this smoothly, ask him for a link, suggestions, or thoughts on a particular matter, giving him a number where he can contact you.
Another option is to slip a note with your number into his backpack, which sounds old-school and pretty romantic.
8. Ask Him To Hang Out
Depending on how much you know each other, you can suggest going someplace together. If you think itâs still early to hang out only you too, suggesting a group hang-out itâs the best approach to be closer to him.
The best way to make the first date as little awkward as possible is by avoiding the question âWill you go on a date with me?â directly.
Suggest a place where you can have a drink or eat. If he likes football, you can suggest going to watch a match together.
Avoid making general suggestions if you want this to go somewhere. For instance, if you know that thereâs a football match being played soon, or a film showing at the cinema this week, suggest you go watch it.
9. Buy Him a Drink
Itâs unpopular for a woman to be the one who offers a drink to a man. But thereâs nothing weird about it. Boldness is an attractive trait, and it shows a lot about your personality.
By offering to buy him a drink, youâre immediately showing him that youâre interested.Â
Asking him his favorite beverage/drink can also be a great conversation starter before you start making the move.
However, you should keep in mind to approach them at the right time. For instance, if theyâre already with a friend, itâs best to wait until theyâre alone. Otherwise, you might risk making them feel embarrassed.
Youâd be surprised at how much you can learn with this simple act. The drink he chooses to have reveals interesting details about his personality. If he orders a beer, it shows that heâs a pretty regular dude. If heâs a party guy, he might order tequila or something similar.
10. Be Flirty & Test Physical Contact
Flirting is one of the most straightforward ways to show him the intentions of your approach before you make a move on this guy. Thereâs nothing to be shy about it.
As long as youâre interested in him, let your actions speak on your behalf.Â
You can initiate the physical contact with simple things such as punching lightly his arm or leaning towards him when he cracks a joke. The shorter the distance you keep, the more intimate the atmosphere between the two becomes.
Itâs very easy for a woman to start flirting since men can pick up the signs immediately and respond appropriately to your intentions.
(However, I would advise you to overly aggressive with flirting).
Keep eye contact during this time because it affects how he perceives you. Your compliment, convos, or flirts, wonât have the same impact without eye contact. Â
11. Crack Some Jokes
Humour is a decent skill that can be useful in this case. Throw a pun here and there, and make witty comments whenever you find the chance.
Think of this as a time to have fun and express yourself. No matter how the conversation goes, itâs important to show your authenticity.
The moment you stay chill and take things with ease, youâll loosen up and jokes will flow smoothly. You wonât have to try hard. That happens because when you expect an outcome youâre stressed out and unable to be creative.
But when you let go of the expectations, the conversation flows.
Jokes are universally used to create a warm atmosphere and get closer to a person or a group of people.
Theyâre perfect to make the other person feel comfortable and even attracted to you. Not only are they a great way to break the ice but they also make the other person feel safe and open up.
12. Just Share Your Feelings With Him
Stop running around in circles.
If youâve known this guy for a while and the connection between the two hasnât progressed into intimate conversations, itâs time for you to make the decisive step to express your feelings.
Itâs not taboo anymore for a woman to make the first step toward the man she likes. Weâre seeing so many crazy things happening around the world, at which approaching a man isnât comparable the slightest bit.
If he likes you back, itâll turn into something beautiful, and even if things go south you just saved yourself from wasting time waiting for him to make the first move.
In most cases, youâll understand whether heâs interested in you or not based on how he interacts with you. Before making this step, make sure he has displayed some kind of interest in you by smiling, keeping eye contact, or sharing important details of his life that a stranger wouldnât know.
You can read our guide which shares 17+ ways to tell a guy you like him.
How to Make The First Move On A Guy Online
Letâs be honest.
Most of our interactions nowadays happen online. A study from Standford University showed that online dating keeps the stake as the most prominent way through which couples meet (over 39% of respondents favored it.)Â
With the trend growing rapidly, itâs best to learn how to navigate online dating. Here are a few tips to keep in mind while making a move guy online to take things forward.
13. Respond to His Social Media Posts
Has he posted an Instagram story recently? Thatâs the perfect chance to make your step.
Respond in a cheesy way to it or simply throw in a pun just to start the conversation. But be mindful of your approach.Â
What do you aim to make him feel when he sees your reply?
Think about it.
Do you want to know him more, or start flirting with him immediately?
Whatever your goal, donât be afraid to try this approach as youâre highly likely to get a reply which might turn quickly into a date.
Besides replying to stories (which is among the best strategies because the reply is private) you can also comment on their posts. Girls rarely comment on a guyâs posts, so heâll understand immediately your liking and preferably check out your profile and maybe message you himself.
14. Ask Him questions
Questions are the pillar of good interactions. So whether youâve met him on social media or through popular dating apps, questions can lead to flirting and even a date. But most importantly, youâll get to know him better.
However, here are some things to keep in mind for the conversation to flow smoothly when youâre interacting with him online:
- Donât reply immediately. If youâre always available and reply fast, his ego could make him think youâre addicted to him and heâll start to gradually lose interest in you.
- Get to know his interests. Some good questions would involve what his interests and his future goals are. By talking about serious matters, youâll display yourself as mature which is highly attractive.
- Get to know his perspective on dating. Is he currently in a relationship with someone? Ask this question gently by mentioning things he could be doing with a partner. (E.g if heâs traveled recently ask him with whom does he like traveling.)
15. Chat With Him About Common Interests
Talking about common interests isnât something you should brush off as a fact and then forget it.
Donât let the conversation stop at the point you learn about your common interests. Suggest him to work on something together and maybe meet to discuss further doing a project together.
And even if thereâs nothing you think can be discussed together, invite him to a group meeting with friends who share similar interests.
Or maybe suggest that you join an event, workshop, or training together. There youâll get the chance to know him better.
You can discover what he likes in most cases just by looking at his profile. If you notice any shared hobby in his pictures, you can even start the conversation with him directly by sending him the picture you saw, commenting on it, or asking where the place is.
16. Send Him Memes & Reels
Most of you find it hard to come up with a creative joke, thereâs already a lot of content online that you can share with him and laugh together.
Exchanging memes and Reels for instance doesnât only help you bond with him more but also gives you insights into what content he likes.
Actually, you can go even deeper by observing the content he sends you. From there youâll understand what content he likes watching that the algorithm keeps showing him.
Overall, sending memes and funny Reels is a great way to keep the conversation going even after youâve consumed all the topics you could talk about. It can also be a great way to open new topics for discussion.
17. Send Him Flirty Texts
Now we get to the juicy part. You intend to go on a date with him and maybe get into a relationship together. But to develop an intimate bond, you have to make your intentions clear, and flirty texts are a fine way to do this.
Compliment his looks and the content he posts and start asking him more about his view on relationships.
Keep on asking him how he treats a partner, and what are his preferences in bed. These topics are broadly discussed even among friends, so thereâs nothing to be shy about.
Also, letâs not forget the most powerful tool to flirt with a guy: emojis. Sending heart emojis is a smooth way to give hints that youâd like to get more intimate with him, without being explicit about it.
But, What If He Rejects Me?
Studies show that guys would rarely reject it when a woman makes the first move. Even though the chances of being rejected when you take the first step as a woman are increasingly low, it may happen. But itâs not a reason to get discouraged. The world will keep on spinning even after rejection!
If your affection is expected positively, thatâs a good start, but even if itâs not, you just cut the time youâd have to spend waiting for him to make the first move. As long as you approach him with honesty and maturity, youâll match with him if he shares the same worldview and intentions.Â
Give yourself some pep talk and make the move with confidence, you won’t regret it.