Breakups can be tricky. One minute, your ex is acting like they’ve moved on, and the next, you hear they’ve been asking about you, lurking on your social media, or bringing you up in conversations.
So, are they actually fine without you, or are they secretly falling apart?
Here are 28 undeniable signs your ex is struggling without you—even if they’re trying to hide it.
1. They Keep Texting or Calling You “Just to Check In”
If your ex keeps popping up in your messages with random check-ins, it’s not just “friendly concern.” They miss you.
When someone has truly moved on, they don’t feel the need to keep in touch constantly.
2. They Drunk-Text or Call You
Alcohol lowers inhibitions, and guess what? The truth comes out.
If your ex suddenly gets emotional or sentimental after a few drinks, it’s a clear sign that you’re still on their mind.
3. They Lurk on Your Social Media
Still watching your stories? Liking old posts? Accidentally “liking” a picture from three years ago at 2 AM?
Yeah, they’re not over you.
4. They Post Cryptic, Sad, or Emotional Quotes
If they’re constantly posting deep, heartbroken, or “new me” quotes, they’re trying to process their emotions publicly—which means they’re struggling privately.
Bonus points if the quotes seem a little too specific to your relationship.
5. They’re Suddenly Overactive Online
Posting more selfies, showing off at the gym, or constantly checking in at exciting places?
They’re trying to prove (mostly to you) that they’re doing just fine—even if they’re actually miserable.
6. They Talk About You… A Lot
If mutual friends tell you that your ex keeps bringing you up—whether positively or negatively—it’s a huge sign they can’t stop thinking about you.
People who have moved on don’t feel the need to discuss their past relationships constantly.
7. They Try to Make You Jealous
Suddenly dating someone new and flaunting it? Posting pictures with attractive people? Acting like they’re having the time of their life?
If they’re trying too hard to make sure you see it, it’s because they want a reaction.
8. They Compare Their New Partner to You
If their new relationship keeps getting compared to what you two had, it’s because they haven’t fully let go.
A truly happy person doesn’t feel the need to measure their current love against their past one.
9. They Look Worse Than Usual
Breakups can take a toll, and if your ex suddenly looks exhausted, isn’t dressing like they used to, or just seems off, they’re struggling more than they let on.
People glow when they’re happy. They don’t when they’re heartbroken.
10. Or They’ve Had a Drastic Glow-Up
On the flip side, if your ex suddenly hits the gym, changes their wardrobe, or undergoes a complete makeover, they might be trying to prove something to themselves (and you).
A breakup-motivated glow-up isn’t always about self-improvement—it’s sometimes about winning the breakup.
11. They Keep Reminiscing About “The Good Times”
If your ex keeps mentioning inside jokes, old memories, or “Remember when we used to…” moments, they’re clearly feeling nostalgic.
Someone who’s completely moved on doesn’t dwell on the past.
12. They Try to “Bump Into” You
If your ex suddenly starts showing up at places you frequent, it’s not a coincidence.
They’re hoping for a “casual” run-in—because they miss you but don’t know how to say it.
13. They Haven’t Moved On
If they’re still single months (or years) later, it’s possible they haven’t found someone who measures up to you.
Not everyone is in a rush to date, but if they haven’t even tried, they might still be hung up on you.
14. They Keep Finding Excuses to Contact You
“Hey, I just found your old hoodie.”
“I forgot the name of that restaurant we loved—what was it again?”
If they’re reaching out for trivial reasons, it’s because they’re struggling with the silence.
15. They Show Up in Your Dreams (Because You’re on Their Mind)
Okay, so you don’t have proof of this one.
But people say when someone thinks about you a lot, you show up in their dreams.
Coincidence? Maybe. But still worth considering.
16. They Bring Up Past Mistakes and Apologize
If your ex suddenly starts apologizing for things they did wrong in the relationship, they’re reflecting—and maybe regretting.
They might not want to say, “I want you back,” but these random apologies are often a step in that direction.
17. They Reach Out During Major Life Events
Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries—if they still message you during these times, they’re clearly holding on to the connection.
18. They Ask Your Friends About You
If your ex is secretly fishing for updates about your love life, they’re not over it.
Someone who has truly moved on doesn’t need to know what their ex is doing.
19. They Avoid Dating Apps (Or Delete Them Quickly)
If they refuse to use dating apps—or get on them, then disappear—it could mean they aren’t ready to move on.
Maybe they’re hoping you’ll come back first.
20. They Show Up in Your Dreams (Again, Because You’re Still on Their Mind)
Okay, okay, but for real—if your ex keeps popping into your subconscious, there’s unfinished business there.
21. They Still Keep Things That Remind Them of You
If they still wear that bracelet you gave them or haven’t deleted your photos, they’re holding onto the past.
People who are done with a relationship usually remove reminders of it.
22. They Get Emotional When Talking About You
Ever had an ex try to play it cool, then suddenly their voice cracks when they mention your name?
Yeah, they’re struggling.
23. They Bring Up Inside Jokes
If they’re still using the silly nicknames and inside jokes you created together, they’re not ready to let those memories fade.
24. They Get Jealous If You’re Seeing Someone New
Even if they act indifferent, if they ask way too many questions about your new love life—or suddenly get mad—it’s because it hurts.
25. They Regret How Things Ended
If your ex admits they “should have done things differently” or that losing you was a mistake, they’re struggling big time.
26. They Seem Stuck in the Past
Still talking about “what could have been”? Holding onto old photos?
They’re not over it.
27. They Reach Out When They’re Lonely
Loneliness makes people reflect. If your ex only reaches out late at night or during big emotional moments, it’s because you were their comfort zone.
28. They Straight-Up Tell You They Miss You
The biggest sign? They just admit it.
If your ex tells you they miss you, believe them. They might not always say it directly, but actions speak louder than words—and struggling exes leave plenty of clues.
Final Takeaway: Let Them Struggle—You’ve Moved On
If your ex is showing multiple signs from this list, they’re clearly not over you. But the real question is—does it matter?
Just because they’re struggling doesn’t mean you should go back. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is keep walking forward and let them figure it out without you.
