Asking a girl for her number might seem outdated, but it isn’t.
Your favorite dating apps and social media won’t be of much use to you IRL.
What if you lock eyes with a girl at a bar? Unless you seize the moment, you may never see her again.
If you’re not willing to take that chance, you’ve come to the right place.
I’ll teach you how to get a girl’s number in 10+ easy steps.
Let’s get rolling!
How to Get a Girl’s Number:
1. Make a memorable first impression
Do you have any idea how long it takes for a person to form a first impression?
One-tenth of a second!
Although you might find that hard to believe, it’s true! 100 milliseconds are enough for any girl to make up her mind about you.
Janine Willis and Alexander Todorov published the results of their research in 2006, according to which a person needs one-tenth of a second to form a first impression, not 7 seconds as was previously believed.
That’s why you should work on adopting the right mindset, increasing your confidence levels, and developing a friendly attitude before approaching any girl.
On top of that, to stand out and highlight your positive features from the first milliseconds, you should use the following psychological tricks:
- Smile! A smiling face is always perceived as friendly, not to mention it makes the other person feel special. We know that thanks to a study conducted in 2003. Researchers discovered that a smiling face activates a region in the brain responsible for processing sensory rewards.
- Make eye contact! Looking into her eyes from the very beginning of your interaction is essential. Mutual eye-gazing increases the level of affection between two people, as shown by a 1998 study.
- Look neat! In their study, Michael T French, Ioana Popovici, Philip K Robins, and Jenny F Homer found that physical attractiveness, personality, and grooming are all significant personal traits when deciding about serious romantic relationships.
2. Come up with an excuse to talk to her
For the next step, you should do a quick brainstorm and come up with a few excuses to talk to her.
To avoid coming off as awkward, you shouldn’t approach a girl just to say “hi” and ask her about her day as if you already know each other.
You should approach her under a pretext to ease her into the conversation. What pretext?
Wherever you are, just look around you. Use your physical location or environment as a conversation starter.
Example A: Are you in a bus station? Ask her what bus you should take to get to a certain place (even if you know which one to take).
Example B: Are you at a class? Ask her something about that class.
Example C: Are you in a supermarket? Ask her where you can find certain items or her opinion and then bump into her again with another pretext to build a connection.
After she answers your question, you can proceed by thanking her and introducing yourself. Or, you can ask her more questions and then say something playful like…
For A: I think you’d be a great guide! By the way, my name is…
For B: Look at us talking like real connoisseurs! I’m… btw.
For C: Ever thought of becoming a personal shopper? You know your stuff! I’m … and I’m interested!
3. Build a connection with her
To smoothly transition from one topic to another, ask her open-ended questions to find out more about her.
Your goal is not only to keep her talking but also to find things you have in common. People often bond over their shared interests, so that should be your main focus.
Listen to her attentively and express curiosity by asking for more details about a certain topic.
In case you have friends or even acquaintances in common, use that information! Talking about people you both know creates a sense of familiarity and safety.
If you don’t, no problem! Pick light-hearted topics and maintain a positive and casual attitude.
Whenever you’re out of ideas, remember to look at her and identify something you can have a conversation about, such as a cup of coffee she’s holding in her hand, a unique item, etc.
Why is building rapport important?
A girl is more likely to give you her number if she enjoys talking to you and perceives you as friendly, not threatening.
4. Say something to make her laugh
It’s no secret: Funny men get more women.
Several studies confirm this, including a study conducted by Duane E. Lundy, Josephine Tan, and Michael R. Cunningham in 2005.
According to their findings, women are more attracted to humorous men. Women always choose men who make them laugh as romantic partners.
I confirm this, too! Laughing eases tension, creates positive vibes, and triggers the production of feel-good hormones in the brain.
In other words, you have all the reasons to make her laugh and laugh together with her.
How? Humor comes in many forms.
Depending on your style and what you’re comfortable with, you could make fun of yourself, share an embarrassing fact or story about yourself, tell jokes you’ve heard before, etc.
What to avoid? Refrain from using sarcasm or making mean remarks. Sarcasm can be funny, but you’re going for a casual vibe, not a witty-smartass vibe.
5. Start flirting with her
Is the conversation going well? If it is, that’s your cue to start flirting with her!
Flirting is the only way to indirectly signal your romantic interest in her. What’s more, it’s also a way to figure out if she feels the same way about you.
You can choose to flirt with your body and your words, as follows:
- Make eye contact with her and smile naturally
- Lean in when she’s talking to you
- Compliment her uniqueness and traits
- Engage in playful banter with her
- Lightly touch her arm to grab her attention
- Make her laugh and laugh with her
- Adjust your posture to look masculine
Let’s take the supermarket example. She continues to fill her cart, but you freeze, looking at her. When she notices you, say “Oh, I’m sorry. Looking at you made me forget what I was doing.”
Such a line is flirty and it will probably make her laugh, too. Just don’t make it cheesier than that. She won’t take you seriously if you do.
6. Pay attention to her body language
Before you ask for her number, analyze her body language to determine whether she’s interested or not.
Positive body language signs – she likes you if she…
- … makes prolonged eye contact with you
- … plays with her hair or smoothens her hair
- … smiles at you and laughs at your jokes
- … starts sweating, blushing, or says she’s warm
- … positions her body close to yours or points her feet at you
- … tilts her head when you’re talking and leans in
- … rubs her thighs or preens herself
- … licks her lips or even bites them
- … pays attention to you and pauses what she’s doing
Negative body language signs – she doesn’t like you if she…
- … looks away from you and tries to look busy
- … gives you one-line answers without making eye contact
- … positions her body facing elsewhere, not you
- … doesn’t smile or thinks you’re funny
- … doesn’t ask you anything back
- … looks at her phone when you’re talking
- … isn’t comfortable to be touched by you
7. Ask for her number
If her body language is positive and she seems open to you and interested as well, then your next move should be to ask for her number.
Depending on where you are when you approach her, you might have to cut the conversation short to make sure she doesn’t leave before you get a chance to ask her.
Good moments are right after she laughs at something you say, when you finish talking about a certain topic, and before you make an excuse to leave.
Sometimes it’s better to put an end to the conversation you have with a girl while it’s going great. Waiting until it runs cold is not recommended.
Now, when it comes to getting her number, you can go for a direct approach or a more subtle one. Either way, your question must include a compliment and an intention.
You can compliment one of her traits or tell her positive things about how talking to her made you feel and express your desire to continue the conversation with her or see her again in the future.
Remember to maintain eye contact when you compliment her and pop the question. Looking away will not have the same effect on her.
8. Add her to your contact list
Grab your phone, go to “Add New Contacts”, and hand her your phone. Do this as soon as you finish asking her, but not while you ask her.
This is a fool-proof method fitted to noisy environments such as bars, clubs, and concerts, but it works just as well in other settings.
It works because it’s based on a common practice. People exchange phone numbers like that every day. It’s almost like a reflex.
On top of that, it’s an easy and convenient process. I mean… neither of you will have to look for a pen and paper.
Or, she won’t have to write her number on your hand like in the movies. If I’ve learned anything from famous Hollywood love stories is that numbers written on skin get accidentally erased.
So, confidently hand her your phone. Chances are she’ll type her name and phone number without having second thoughts.
9. Call or text her within 24 hours
You got her number! Now what?
Call or text her within 24 hours to maintain momentum! Don’t let things cool off between the two of you. Reach out to her while she’s still thinking about you.
If you make a good impression, any woman will think about you more or less intensively in the following hours and up to a day. This is something you should use in your favor.
Call her or contact her via text to show you are thinking about her, appreciate the moments you’ve already shared, and plan on deepening your connection.
Things to avoid here are coming off as desperate or overbearing. How?
Just talk to her as if she’s your friend and use your common sense when flirting. Don’t be too suggestive or explicit at first. Instead, focus on building a genuine friendship with her.
When to call? Most people are busy during the day, so evenings work better.
When to text? If you’re a patient guy, you can text her at any time, except during nighttime. She’ll reply when she’s free.
10. Continue to bond with her
Look, just because a girl gives you her number, it doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to go on a date with you.
When she gives you her number, she sends the message that she’s open to getting to know you better.
So, do just that! Don’t rush things by asking her out immediately.
Allow her to learn more about you and decide whether she likes you and wants to date you. Also, make the most of the chance she gives you to discover more about her.
Ask her about her passions, hobbies, hopes and dreams. Explore the things you have in common and bond over them.
To create a sense of closeness, share personal stories with her and show a bit of vulnerability. She’ll think you’re genuine if you do that – which is a good thing.
At this stage, practicing active listening can really make a difference. Listen to her without automatically generating personal opinions about what she says.
Listen to understand and ask follow-up questions to highlight genuine interest.
11. React positively if she says no
What if she says no? Some girls will say yes, others will say no. That’s how things go.
In some cases, it won’t even matter what you say to the girl. If she is already open to meeting new guys and likes your appearance, she will say yes.
In other cases, you will do everything right, but you’ll still get a no. Why? The reasons range from lack of chemistry to marriage.
Or, maybe you’ll deal with an undecided and hesitant girl. Well, in that case, there’s something else you could try: offer your number instead.
By doing that, you take the pressure off her and you let her decide if and when she’ll contact you.
Whatever you do, don’t take rejection too seriously. A 2016 Stanford research done by Clifton B. Parker emphasizes the negative consequences of rejection.
As a result of rejection, some people end up believing there’s something wrong with them, which is not accurate.
Just because they’re not compatible with certain women, it doesn’t mean they’re to blame. The same goes for you.
12. Improve your skills and practice
You didn’t get a girl’s number on the first try? Keep trying!
Don’t let one rejection discourage you. On the contrary, let it be your motivation to become better at it.
Practice makes perfect and there’s no way around it.
Tips to improve your conversational skills:
- Be a good listener and practice active listening
- Ask open-ended and follow-up questions
- Encourage the other person to talk
- Put yourself in the other person’s shoes
- Use your body language
- Learn to interpret other people’s body language
- Make eye contact when you talk
- Pay attention to details
If you have a friend who is willing to help you out, that’s even better! Practice through role-playing scenarios with them.
Also, write down what works and what doesn’t. Reflect on your past interactions to improve.
Summary
Feeling confident yet? You should be!
Now you know exactly which steps to take to get a girl’s number. Approach her with a smile and look her in the eyes to make a good impression.
Start a conversation based on a pretext and transition to other topics, funny jokes, and flirty lines. Slip a compliment here and there and gauge her interest by analyzing her body language.
Wait for the right moment to ask for her number and reach out to her within a day to maintain momentum. That’s it!
But promise me this: Don’t go running getting girl’s numbers just because you can. Treat such interactions with sincerity and respect!
