You really like this guy – but the burning question is, does he feel the same?
It’s so unclear if he’s interested in a relationship or just pretending to love you.
I know how agonizing and stressful it can feel trying to decipher your crush’s intentions.
You wish he would just be obvious about whether he wants to commit to you or not.
In this article, I’ll share the most definitive signs that indicate a man doesn’t see you long-term partner. Once you know what behaviors to look for, you’ll be empowered to make clearer choices about where to go from here.
Don’t waste time decoding every little thing he does – I’ll walk you through the biggest red flags so you can cut through the confusion.
The focus is on quickly getting to the core signs he’s not interested in a committed relationship, so the reader can assess their situation accurately.
15 Signs He Doesn’t Want a Relationship With You
1. He Hasn’t Mentioned Anything About Wanting To be in a Relationship
Even if the two of you have hugged and kissed, it doesn’t mean he wants a serious relationship with you.
And this is especially the case if you feel as though the two of you have been intimate together – but he hasn’t said you’re exclusive yet.
Until he confirms you’re exclusive, he will be keeping his options open. He could still be seeing or talking to other girls.
While this could yet change, the fact that he’s held off from confirming that he isn’t dating anyone else at the moment means that he doesn’t want a relationship with you (yet).
2. He Never Makes The First Move
While not all guys are proactive and don’t generally like to plan things, most guys become mysteriously organized and on the ball if there’s a girl they really like!
They’ll start initiating the conversation, they’ll plan dates and they’ll even go in for the first kiss.
So if he never takes the initiative with you, it’s a sign that he isn’t interested in a relationship.
For example, if it always you who texts first and if it’s always down to you to plan dates and things to do with him, it means that – whatever this is – it’s one-sided.
You’re doing all the heavy lifting, while he can clearly take it or leave it.
What’s more, even if you guys have kissed before or been intimate in other ways, it always seems to be you that’s initiating everything. In a committed relationship, it should always be split down the middle.
3. He Doesn’t Give You His Undivided Attention
You might think it’s typical for a guy to be distracted. They all have the attention of a goldfish, right?
However, this is never the case when a guy is with a girl he really likes. He’ll put his phone away and he’ll give you his full attention.
But if he zones out instead and checks his phone often, it’s a warning sign that he’s not really present in your conversation.
He might even ask you to repeat yourself from time to time if he hasn’t been listening – but he’ll only ask if he cares even just a little bit.
4. He is Giving Mixed Signals
You’re experiencing a growing disconnect growing between you. While you’ve made an effort to understand him by asking questions, he doesn’t reciprocate.
You feel like you know him, but he still doesn’t really know you.
You feel like he is slowly losing interest in you.
When a man envisions a real future with someone, he’ll naturally want to learn everything about her.
He’ll ask you thoughtful questions about your passions, interests, family, hopes and dreams. He’ll dig deeper than surface-level small talk to uncover what makes you tick.
But if he couldn’t care less about forging an intimate bond, he won’t see value in taking the time to learn about you. He will be unwilling to invest the effort.
Don’t convince yourself he’s just shy – apathy and disinterest speak louder than any excuse.
5. He Doesn’t Use Open Body Language
You might think it’s a trivial thing if he sits with a relaxed posture or a tense posture when he’s with you.
But here’s the thing – it really isn’t trivial at all.
In fact, non-verbal communication counts for more than verbal communication because it’s never faked.
How a man sits and behaves with his body when he’s with you can tell you everything you need to know about how he feels about you.
For example.. if he isn’t using open body language, it’s a bad sign.
This means…
- He doesn’t face his body towards you. If you are sitting side by side, his torso is angled away instead of engaging with you.
- His arms are frequently crossed when you are together, a closed-off posture that signals detachment.
- His legs are also crossed away from you, preventing closeness.
- He sits with tense or rigid posture instead of being relaxed and comfortable in your presence.
- He doesn’t lean in or orient himself physically to you during conversation. There is no desire to get nearer.
- His movements overall seem disconnected from you and stilted rather than natural and expressive.
He’s also fidgeting with his hands from time to time and he rarely makes eye contact with you. Worse still, he never mirrors your actions.
And by the way, mirroring is the easiest way to get into rapport with someone. A man will mirror your actions – such as you cross your legs and he crosses his – if he wants to be with you.
6. He Rarely Opens Up About His Personal Life With You
Perhaps you’ve already opened up to him and shared your feelings and thoughts with him because you want to create a stronger emotional bond with him.
Maybe you’ve shared your fears and worries, your plans for the future, as well as any anxieties you might have about your family, friends or career.
You really want him to do the same, too. Only, he’s remained cold, impassive and closed.
While you might think that this is just the way he is, it might also be the case that he hasn’t opened up to you yet because he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
And if that’s the case, he won’t ever share his thoughts and feelings with you.
Remember, guys will only open up to girls and be vulnerable in front of them when they trust them, feel there’s a strong connection and want a serious relationship with them.
Until that happens, they’ll stick to superficial, trivial conversations.
7. He Treats You Like a Friend
It’s great to be friends, but notice if that’s the extent of your relationship so far.
- Are your hangouts always in groups, rarely one-on-one quality time?
- Has there been little to no physical intimacy or romance?
- Does he discuss about other girls?
Yes, couples do enjoy fun times like friends, but there is also deeper relationship layers like intimacy, prioritization, and companionship.
If it feels like nothing separates your interactions from mere friendship, that’s not a good sign.
It likely means he enjoys the connection but doesn’t see himself in a romantic relationship with you.
8. He’s Always Too Busy For You
If you’re frustrated that he always seems to be busy whenever you ask him to do something, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s a busy person in general. It possibly means that he simply doesn’t have time for you.
This can be hard to take.
But if a guy really likes a girl and want a relationship with her, he will shift heaven and earth to clear his schedule for her.
Even if he’s swamped with work and other social gatherings, he will still find time for his girl.
So if you’re constantly fighting for a place in his schedule, you need to assess whether this guy truly is worth pursuing.
If he’s not willing to prioritize you, he isn’t really worth your time.
9. He Is Open To Dating Others
This one circles back to exclusivity.
If he hasn’t confirmed you’re exclusive, it means he’s open to offers from other girls – and it’s highly likely that he is dating other women.
Maybe you’ve seen him swiping on dating profiles or caught him sending a girl a message.
While this doesn’t mean he’s actually seeing another girl, it does mean that you’re clearly not a priority in his life.
And that itself means he’s not looking for a relationship with you.
What’s more, he may even have said that you’re free to date who you want, too.
This is another strong sign that he is not looking for a serious relationship with you.
10. He Avoids Talking About The Future
If you think about the future a lot, it’s natural that you want to find out how he feels about things.
- Does he want the same things as you do?
- Where does he see himself in five years’ time?
- Are you a part of his future plans?
These are important questions to ask if you really like a guy and can see yourself settling down with him in the long term. Maybe you’ve voiced them out loud and spoken to him about your own plans.
Frustratingly, he evades the questions and doesn’t like to talk about the future.
Is it because he’s worried, scared, anxious?
It could be any of these – but it could also be that he only wants you for physical intimacy and a serious committed relationship.
He’ll avoid talking about it with you because he either doesn’t see the point or he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.
11. He Acts Dismissive When You Express Your Opinions
It’s not easy when you try to speak your mind to him but he dismisses it.
Maybe you give your opinion on things or express an idea you have but he doesn’t even reply to it.
And even when he does mumble something in reply, it’s as though he was barely listening to what you said!
Does this sound like the behavior of a guy who is genuinely interested in you?
Unlike a casual relationship, serious relationships are built on healthy respect and emotional intimacy.
Just like he should be allowed to express his thoughts and opinions, you should be allowed to express yours.
But if it always seems like you’re fighting to be heard by him, it signals that he isn’t really listening.
And if he isn’t listening, it means that he doesn’t truly value or respect your opinion, which is a really strong sign that he’s not keen to move things forward with you.
12. He Doesn’t Integrate You Into His Social Circle
When a man likes a woman, he won’t necessarily keep her all to himself.
Instead, he’ll introduce her to his social circle so that she can get to know his friends.
This means he’ll invite you to group events, such as parties or meals, and he’ll definitely make it a point of introducing you to his closest/best friends.
If he hasn’t done this just yet, you might be wondering why.
Does he want to keep you a secret?
And if he does want to keep you a secret … why?
Being kept a secret from your man’s friends isn’t sexy, cool or fun. It simply suggests that he may have romantic interest but not ready for a long term relationship.
After all, once his friends know about you, it basically means you’re a couple. This means the dynamics of the relationship will change and you’ll be expected to go out as a couple with other couples he knows.
So if you’re still not part of his social group, it means you’re not truly a key part of this life – which means he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
13. He’s Not Reliable Or Trustworthy
A man you’re in a relationship with has to be someone you can trust, rely on and depend on.
When you’re in a tricky situation and need help, he needs to be the one person you can turn to.
If he’s just a friend? Sure, he’ll be there for you sometimes – but he’s not someone you can rely on all the time.
It all comes down to effort.
When a man likes a woman and wants to be with her, he will do all he can to prove that he’s someone she can rely on and trust.
He won’t let you down when you plan things, he doesn’t lie to you and he never backtracks. He is dependable and consistent.
If he is none of these, it shows that he isn’t putting any effort in.
14. He Only Meets You For Sex
Perhaps the biggest indication of his true feelings for you is whether or not he meets you just for sex.
In other words, are you just a booty call for him?
At first, meeting for sex might seem like fun. But when you develop deeper feelings for him, you’ll want to spend time with him in other ways.
Maybe you’ll want to go for walks with him or catch a movie at the cinema with him. But try all you can, he’s resistant to absolutely everything.
Indeed, each time he meets you, he steers things towards sex as soon as possible.
While this can make you feel desirable and wanted, it isn’t the foundation for a relationship.
Yes, he finds you hot – but he hasn’t yet connected with you emotionally.
And until he connects with you emotionally and sex is all you have, it’s not a relationship.
15. He Shows No Spark Or Undertones
If a man is into you and wants a relationship, there’ll be a certain spark to him when he’s with you.
He’ll flirt with you, make suggestive comments (undertone) and talk to you like someone who’s more than just a friend. He’ll make an extra effort to make you laugh and he’ll tell naughty jokes and say naughty things.
If there’s none of this and your conversations are always a tad polite, it’s another big sign that, while he likes you as a friend, there’s no spark within him whenever he’s with you.
When two people click, on the other hand, there are fireworks. You feel the temperature rising and know instinctively that he feels the same way.
These were the telltale signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you. Now, let me answer some of your burning questions.
Why Does He Keep Me Around If He Doesn’t Want a Relationship?
Even if he doesn’t see a relationship future, he may enjoy the ego boost of your attention and find you physically attractive enough to casually date. However, without an emotional bond or mental stimulation, he feels no motivation to commit further.
Another possibility is fear of commitment. He may like you but purposely keep you at arm’s length out of anxiety about intimacy rather than true disinterest.
Regardless of his reasons, don’t rationalize or downplay behavior that signals he’s not into you. Focus on clear actions over unclear intentions. You don’t wanna be in such a relationship.
Should I Cut Him Off If He Doesn’t Want To Have The Relationship Talk?
This all depends on whether or not you think he’s worth your time and effort. If you like the guy and think he’s trying to figure things out in his mind about you, you could pursue him and convince him you’re the one for him.
The best way to do this is to trigger his “HERO” response, which is when you act as though you need him.
After all, guys will chase girls who they feel they can protect, serve and take care of. If you’re too independent and act as though you can deal with life by yourself, he’ll be less inclined to see you as relationship material.
On the other hand, if you’re tired of him being cold and distant, and if you’re tired of making all the effort, it might be time to cut your losses and see who else is out there that will appreciate you for who you are.
