Dating can be tricky.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell if a guy is genuinely interested or just stringing you along.
You could find yourself constantly analyzing his texts and overthinking every interaction, wondering if he feels the spark like you do.
If you’re wondering “is he into me?” this article is for you.
I will go over some telltale signs that he’s not that interested, like taking forever to respond, only making last-minute plans, or not making an effort to get to know you.
The second half of this article will give you tips on how to move forward, regain your confidence, and get back out there to find someone who can’t wait to spend time with you.
Before you know it you’ll be wondering “why did I ever like him?“
13 Signs He’s Not Into You:
1. He Rarely Initiates Communication With You
If something is one-sided, it’s rarely a good thing. And this is especially the case when it comes to starting a conversation.
Take a look at your recent messages and conversations with him.
Did you start the convo 9 times out of 10?
If so, this is a warning sign that he’s not into you anymore. After all, if a guy is really into a girl, he’ll chase her to the ends of the earth.
If, however, you’re the one constantly starting a conversation with him, it might be time to put your efforts elsewhere.
2. He Frequently Cancels Dates Or Is Non-Committal
Sometimes he cancels dates altogether and even when he doesn’t, he’s noncommittal.
You know how it goes. You ask him to do something and he always says “maybe” or “I’ll get back to you!”
Sometimes he doesn’t reply at all, in which case you have to nudge him for an answer.
And when you do agree on a date, you’re so worried that he might cancel that you have to confirm that he’s still interested in meeting up.
Then he says, “I might be! I’ll let you know.”
All of this shows a lack of respect for your time, which suggests that he’s not really into you. If he was, he’d clear his schedule to see you.
3. He Openly Flirts Other Women
There are different ways he can show interest in other women.
One is that he is still *secretly* on dating apps, which is a massive sign that this guy has lost interest in you.
Another way he expresses his interest in other girls is by talking to them and flirting with them in different scenarios.
For example, if you guys go to a club or a bar or even a restaurant, he can be seen making a beeline for other women.
Even if he doesn’t go over to them and talk to them, you still see him checking them out with his eye. None of this bodes well for the two of you and it might be time to cut your losses.
4. He avoids physical contact With You
One telltale sign a guy isn’t interested is if he avoids physical contact with you.
If he pulls away when you try to hold his hand, recoils when you touch his arm, or puts a buffer between your bodies when you sit close, it’s a major red flag.
Healthy physical touch is important in fostering intimacy and affection in a healthy relationship.
A man who likes you will find subtle ways to make contact and won’t shy away from reciprocating if you initiate.
So if you’ve tried cuddling up to him on the couch or reaching for his hand across the table and gotten the cold shoulder, take note.
His body language says what his words won’t – he’s just not feeling that spark with you.
5. He Asks You For Dating Advice
If the guy you’re interested in starts asking you for advice about other women or relationships, it’s a screaming red flag.
When a man is into you, the last thing he’ll want to do is talk about dating other people!
If he starts complaining to you about his latest Tinder disaster or asking what restaurant you’d recommend for a first date with another woman, run far away. He sees you as a confidant, not a romantic partner.
As soon as you hear the words “what do you think I should text her?” shut it down immediately and permanently. You’re not his wingwoman.
6. He is Distance & Secretive
Some girls see men as emotionless robots who keep their thoughts, feelings and vulnerabilities to themselves.
But while it’s true that men do keep things to themselves, the truth of the matter is that they open up to women … but only when the woman is the right one for them.
So if this guy doesn’t want an emotional connection with you on a deeper level and if he’s never shown his true emotions to you, you should probably take it as a clear sign that he isn’t into you.
Opening his heart to a woman is a big step and he will only cross that particular line if he sees a future with said woman.
7. He Never Smiles When He Sees You
You can usually judge if a guy likes you by seeing how happy he is to see you.
If there’s a HUGE smile on his face when you walk into the room? It means he’s really excited to see you and loves spending time with you!
On the other hand, if he literally never smiles when he sees you, it suggests that, while he might like you as a friend, he doesn’t have the same excitement he would have if he was into you.
Not smiling doesn’t mean he definitely isn’t attracted to you because it might be the case that he simply is the kind of man who doesn’t smile often.
But even the most melancholy types of guys usually smile at some point when they’re hanging out with the girl they really like.
8. He Is Not Reliable
Okay, I know that guys are often unreliable at the best of times.
But here’s the thing: Guys become more reliable when they’re spending time with the women they like.
It’s amazing but the effort a guy will put in to become Mr. Reliable when he likes a girl is quite something to see!
They will be on time, they will never cancel plans (unless they have a very good reason) and you’ll suddenly start to see them as the most dependable person in your life.
So if this guy is inconsistent and often either cancels plans, forgets your plans or is often late, it’s another major red flag.
9. He Doesn’t Include You In His Future Plans
Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you’re making too many compromises for this guy?
Maybe you’re changing your habits or even your whole lifestyle just to accommodate him?
Maybe you’re even rearranging your future plans so that he can be a part of them?
This is totally fine as long as he’s doing the same.
But is he?
The reason this is important is because there’s literally no future between two people if one person doesn’t involve you in his personal life.
If he was at all interested, he would have accommodated you into his plans by now and make a few adjustments for you.
If, on the other hand, he’s still talks about the future that doesn’t involve you it could be that the thought of you two being together simply hasn’t entered his head.
10. He Doesn’t Listen To You
Imagine you share something meaningful with him … but he just nods and says “uh-huh”?
You’d be upset and hurt because he clearly isn’t listening.
And when you say to him, “you’re not listening to me,” he defends himself with “I am listening!”
Worse still, he’s still playing on his phone when you’re with him in a cafe or a park. You’re leading a deep conversation while he’s still swiping along on his phone.
The truth is that if a man doesn’t express any interest in what you’re saying, he is losing interest in you. He doesn’t care what you got up to today and he doesn’t want to listen to your personal problems.
In general, this means that he isn’t boyfriend material. After all, a man who likes you would hang onto every word and ask questions based on what you’ve just told him.
11. He Doesn’t Ask Questions About Your Life
Following on from the last point, a man who is interested in a woman would ask questions to learn more about her.
When we like genuinely like someone, we are curious about them.
We want to know everything about them.
If he had any romantic interest in you he would ask something like “how well you get along with your family” or “what are your future plans?”
He could ask about your past, including any relationships you’ve had.
A man asks these questions to learn more about you because he needs to know how compatible the two of you are.
He’s trying to see if you’re really the right girl for him.
If, on the other hand, he never asks you questions it shows that this guy is not interested.
12. He Doesn’t Try To Align His Life With Yours
Even if a man is into a woman, it doesn’t mean he has to turn his life upside down for her.
But if he’s into you, he will make some effort to align his life in a few ways with yours.
For example, if you both have something in common – such as working out – he might suggest that you go to the gym together in order to keep each other motivated.
Or if there’s something you’re interested in and he’s always wanted to do, he might suddenly decide to give it a try.
It’s the same for your future plans – he’ll somehow work out a way that they could coincide with his, such as your dream to move to a different city one day.
But if a man is making no effort to adjust his life in order to align it with yours, it shows that he’s barely even thinking about how the two of you could synchronize.
13. He Never Includes Himself In Social Gatherings
Maybe you’d love him to be at your social gatherings because you want him to meet your friends. After all, you like this guy and you want to see what your friends will think of him.
- Will they like him?
- Will they be able to help you figure out whether he likes you?
But the thing is, he always finds an excuse not to come to your social gatherings. If you host a house party, he isn’t there.
And even if he says he might come, he doesn’t turn up anyway.
Worse still, he either hasn’t met your friends yet or he barely made an effort to speak to them when he did meet them.
Is this an issue?
It’s not a huge issue if you’re already dating and he simply doesn’t get along with your friends or he’s not the social type.
But if you’re not dating and he doesn’t involve himself with your gatherings, it’s a subtle sign he’s not into you.
There’s a chance he might be a tad shy. But even a shy guy who likes a girl will make some effort to overcome his anxieties and be at her social gatherings.
So if this guy makes no effort at all to hang out with you and your friends, you can take it as a read that in his mind he has better things to do.
14. He Doesn’t Show Any Signs of Jealous
- Has he asked if you’re single?
- Did he ask if you use dating apps?
And what about when you talk to other guys? How does he react?
Any man who is into a girl and trying to work out her feelings for him will express some jealousy if she says she’s using dating apps.
He’ll perhaps express even more jealousy if she tells him upfront that she’s seeing other men.
And he’ll definitely feel jealous if he actually sees you talking to another guy.
But when a man isn’t interested in a girl, he doesn’t care about her relationship status. You can talk to all the guys you want and he won’t react!
And if he encourages you to chat with other men? Yeah, he definitely isn’t into you.
15. His Body Language Is Reserved and Uninviting
You can generally tell how attracted a guy is just by looking at his body language.
If it’s warm and inviting – he sits facing you, gazes into your eyes and sits with an open stance – it suggests he likes you and enjoys your company.
If he rarely looks you in the eyes, fidgets with his hands and sits with crossed arms, it means he’s displaying colder body language – and this usually means he’s bored, uncomfortable and not feeling this.
Should you read a lot into it?
Yes.
It is a non-verbal form of communication that we usually do unconsciously. If we’re uncomfortable and not into someone, our feelings will manifest themselves in the way we sit and act.
What Should You Do If He Is Not Into You?
If it’s become clear he’s not interested and doesn’t want a relationship with you, don’t lose self-confidence or chase after him desperately. As hard as it is, focus on nurturing your own happiness, passions, and friendships outside of him.
Build up your life with fulfilling activities and joy that come from within, not from another person. When you radiate independence and inner contentment, it can actually make you more attractive.
That said, you can’t force someone to have feelings for you. If you’ve communicated your interest clearly and he’s unresponsive, for your own wellbeing it’s healthiest to move forward romantically, even if you remain platonic friends.
Appreciate the good in what you had, but don’t dwell on it. Look ahead to new possibilities – there are so many amazing people out there. When you find someone who truly reciprocates your feelings, it won’t feel like an uphill battle. Healthy love flows mutually.
Have faith in your self-worth. The right partner will be excited to commit to you as you are. You deserve to feel fully wanted without having to chase crumbs of affection. Believe in your own value and the rest will follow.
