Gaslighting 101: Why Narcissists Call You Crazy (And How to Stay Grounded)

Have you ever found yourself questioning your sanity after a conversation? Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around someone, unsure if your thoughts or feelings are valid? If so, you might be dealing with a narcissist who is gaslighting you. Gaslighting is a term that often pops up in conversations about toxic relationships, but what exactly does it mean, and why do narcissists seem to have such a knack for making you doubt yourself?

In this article, we’re diving into the world of gaslighting, exploring why narcissists use it as a tool, and most importantly, how you can stay grounded and protect yourself from falling into their mind games. With some practical tips, real-life examples, and a bit of humor, we’ll arm you with the knowledge and strategies you need to navigate these tricky situations.

What is Gaslighting, Anyway?

Before we get into the specifics, let’s start by understanding what gaslighting really is. At its core, gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where someone (typically a narcissist) makes you doubt your own perceptions, memories, or reality. They twist facts, deny things they’ve said or done, and even make you feel like you’re the one who’s irrational or “crazy.”

Imagine you’re having a perfectly normal conversation with someone, and they suddenly tell you, “That never happened. You’re just imagining things.” Over time, this can leave you feeling confused, insecure, and questioning your own reality. The narcissist’s goal? To gain control and power over you by making you feel like you’re the one with the problem.

Why Do Narcissists Gaslight?

Narcissists have a deep need for control and validation, and gaslighting is one of their go-to tactics to achieve that. They thrive on keeping you off-balance because it makes them feel superior. By confusing you and distorting the truth, they can continue to manipulate your thoughts and actions, keeping you in their grip.

It’s not about the narcissist actually believing their own lies. It’s about making you feel like you can’t trust your own instincts. A narcissist thrives on being the one who defines what’s true, which is why they love to call you crazy—because it shifts the focus away from their behavior and onto your supposed “emotional instability.”

Signs You’re Being Gaslighted

It’s easy to fall into the trap of questioning yourself when you’re dealing with a narcissist, but there are some telltale signs that you’re being gaslighted. Here’s what to watch out for:

1. Constant Denial of Events: Narcissists will often deny things you clearly remember happening, leaving you wondering if you’re misremembering things.
2. Blaming You for Their Actions: When they do something wrong, they’ll twist it around to make you feel responsible.
3. Dismissing Your Feelings: They make you feel like your emotions are irrational, and their behavior is never the issue.
4. Frequent Insults Wrapped in “Jokes”: They might make backhanded comments that make you feel inferior, all while claiming they’re “just kidding.”
5. Manipulative Love Bombing: They may suddenly shower you with affection to confuse you when they’ve been distant or cruel.

If any of these sound familiar, it’s a good sign that you’re being gaslighted.

How to Stay Grounded When You’re Being Gaslighted

Now that we’ve got a better understanding of gaslighting, let’s dive into some practical tips on how to stay grounded and protect your mental and emotional well-being. Whether you’re in a romantic relationship, a friendship, or even a workplace environment, these strategies can help you regain control.

1. Trust Your Gut

Your instincts are powerful. If something feels off, it probably is. Narcissists often try to make you second-guess your feelings, but your gut is usually right. If your intuition tells you that something’s wrong, don’t ignore it.

Pro Tip: Write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal. This will help you keep track of what’s really happening and provide a reference if the narcissist tries to manipulate your memory later.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

Narcissists love to test your limits, pushing you to tolerate behavior that you shouldn’t. It’s essential to set and maintain firm boundaries. Whether it’s calling out their behavior, limiting contact, or even ending a conversation, your boundaries are your shield.

Example: If a narcissist tells you something hurtful, calmly respond with, “That’s not okay with me,” and walk away if needed.

3. Seek Validation from Trusted Sources

When you’re dealing with someone who’s trying to distort your reality, it helps to talk to someone you trust. A friend, family member, or therapist can offer perspective and remind you of what’s really going on.

Pro Tip: Find someone who’s objective and outside of the situation, like a counselor, who can offer an unbiased view.

4. Stay Calm and Don’t Get Defensive

When a narcissist starts accusing you of being “crazy” or irrational, the natural reaction is to defend yourself. However, engaging in a back-and-forth can play into their hands. Instead, try to stay calm and avoid getting caught up in their drama.

Example: If they say, “You’re overreacting,” calmly reply, “I see things differently,” and move on. Your composure will make them feel less in control.

5. Document Everything

If you suspect you’re being gaslighted, documenting events can help you keep track of conversations and occurrences. This can also serve as evidence if the situation escalates or if you need to share your experiences with someone else.

6. Question Their Motives

Narcissists often manipulate conversations to make you feel like you’re the problem. When they accuse you of being unreasonable or call you crazy, ask yourself, “What do they stand to gain by making me doubt myself?” Understanding their motives helps you see through the manipulation.

7. Don’t Take It Personally

Narcissists are experts at making everything about them. If you find yourself constantly apologizing or feeling guilty for things you didn’t do, remember that their behavior isn’t about you—it’s about their need for control.

8. Reframe Their Comments

If they insult you or try to make you feel inferior, reframe their comments as attempts to disempower you. When a narcissist says, “You’re too emotional,” you can think, “I’m passionate, and that’s a strength.”

9. Use Humor to Deflect

Sometimes, humor is a great tool to disarm narcissists. If they make a ridiculous claim, you can laugh it off and say something like, “Wow, that’s a new one!” This approach helps you maintain control of the situation.

10. Know When to Walk Away

Sometimes, the best response to gaslighting is no response at all. If the narcissist is persistent and refuses to engage in a healthy, rational conversation, don’t hesitate to walk away.

11. Don’t Engage in Their Drama

Narcissists thrive on drama and chaos. The more you engage, the more they’ll try to manipulate the situation. Instead, refuse to get drawn into their emotional rollercoaster.

12. Focus on Self-Care

Being gaslighted can take a toll on your mental and physical health. Make self-care a priority—whether that means taking a bubble bath, going for a walk, or binge-watching your favorite show. Giving yourself space to recharge is essential.

13. Set Realistic Expectations

Understand that narcissists are unlikely to change. Don’t expect them to admit they’re wrong or recognize the impact of their behavior. The sooner you accept this reality, the easier it will be to detach emotionally.

14. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness helps you stay grounded and aware of your thoughts. By practicing mindfulness, you can gain clarity and avoid getting swept up in the narcissist’s distortion of reality.

15. Build a Support Network

The more people you have in your corner, the less power the narcissist will have over you. Surround yourself with supportive, trustworthy individuals who can help you stay anchored and remind you of your worth.

Conclusion: You’re Not Crazy – You’re Just Dealing with a Narcissist

Gaslighting is a toxic tactic that narcissists use to make you doubt yourself and your reality. But with the right tools and mindset, you can protect yourself from falling into their traps. Trust your gut, set boundaries, stay calm, and remember that you are in control of your thoughts and feelings.

So, the next time a narcissist calls you crazy, take a deep breath, smile, and remember—you’re not crazy, they’re just trying to mess with your mind. Stay grounded, stay strong, and trust in your ability to navigate the chaos.